Mamagus

Ditto on what JJs said.

nursie76

I understand your being concerned and what I hear coming through is that what bothers you most is that he didn't show you the respect of sharing it with you.

I think that since you seem to really need to discuss this with him (and I can understand that) that you do so in a non-accusatory manner. Very calmly tell him that you found these while you were getting the papers together to take to the tax person and you are wondering when this happened as you don't remember him saying anything. That way you aren't accusing him of anything, just letting him know what you just happened to find and are just curious what happened. Then after that, if the time is right, you can tell him, that you know he would never lie to you, but when he forgets to tell you something like this it hurts your feelings. Just my two cents. Good luck.

peaceandjoy

Having been married to somebody who has a hot temper for over 30 years, I understand the need you feel to be the calm one. Now I realize that his behaviour is always somebody else's fault. The thing is, after all of these years, it does get tiring. Only you can decide if being in this situation is right for you and your child.

My question is this: Are you sure those tickets were paid?

sharon b

I was wondering the same ... are you sure the tickets were paid and the registration was updated ?

I was married for 15 years to a man that I had to be "careful" around. Only you can decide how much you want to put up with . And trust me it can/will/does affect the children

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

raptureready

Could it be that he was really ashamed of himself? Or that since you're pregnant that he didn't want to upset you? He may have thought that if you got too upset that you might miscarry or kick him out then he wouldn't get to be there for the baby. Only you know your situation and know in your heart what to do. Women aren't the only ones that go bonkers during pregnancies, maybe he couldn't figure out how to tell you and just hoped you'd never find out. If you want the confrontation then do it. If you don't, then don't say anything. OR you could wait until he's at the peak of happiness right after the babys born and say, "When I recover from this maybe we should talk about your traffic tickets."

Baren*eh*ked_canadian

Ok, so here's what happened. I did confront him when he got home, and I told him that I found some tickets upstairs while I was looking through the paperwork. He said he was really upset and ashamed that he had even gotten pulled over for speeding in the first place, but the really expensive ticket, the one about the registration, was being contested so, no, it has not been paid. It turns out, it wasn't even the registration, it was a payment for his license, and he never received the papers telling him to even GO make a payment, and on his license it says payment due Sept. 2010, not 2009, so he didn't know. He DID do his change of address, and I actually PAID for Canada Post to forward our mail to our new address... we never got his papers. So anyway, yeah, it was a stupid ticket, and the fines for not making a payment on the license are 500% of the price for the license fee... now THAT is rediculous!
So, yeah, he did keep it from me, but he was waiting to get an answer about the contestation. The speeding ticket was 158 bucks, he deserved that, and that one has been paid. He did agree that he never should have kept that from me, but he didn't really know what to say, since he was contesting the ticket in the first place, and would never have put that kind of money anywhere without discussing it first.

ETA: oh yeah, he was coming back from a spirit weekend for his accounting team in school. He's one of three ppl representing the accounting department in his university for the commerce games between universities, and this was one of their events.

Sasha has a short fuse, but he's never abusive, I just want to clear that up. I do tend to just let him b!tch and moan because for some reason, that makes him feel better,and I don't feel like arguing over something completly stupid. He's never ever been violent, not even verbally abusive towards me. Most of the time he's just kind of moody, and I dont' like to hear about the fact that I didn't fold his underpants the right way, or he doesn't want me to put this or that shirt in the dryer, or these t-shirts go in the drawer, and these t-shirts go hung up in the closet, not the other way around. I'm more like, whatever, if I don't see that shirt in the drawer, it's probably in the closet, duh. He's an accountant, he likes to be organized and has his own system, lol!

nursie76

Glad you got it all cleared up and it would seem, in a rational, calm way. :thumbup: It is hard when something totally unexpected like that happens. You did well!

JJs

glad that's all out in the open... and even more glad that you cleared up the short fuse part.....

still, my DH would have come home and talked about the ticket right off the bat not stuck it away and not even mention it....

kbiederman

Mel, I have been watching your pregnancy progress, congratulations!!

My first pregnancy was a lot like yours, I was really sick, lost weight, couldn't keep anything down, yuck. My second, I wasn't sick even day but I was so emotional, I would cry about EVERYTHING. I was really quite a mess.

I look back now, and can laugh about it, but to me, at the time, it was serious. I am not saying that you are anything like that, but that to you, what you are feeling is important, therefore it is valid.

I am also in a relationship with a wonderful man, who likes things to be just so:) I have put my foot in my mouth many times saying things like "I need to clean up the house before he gets home or he will freak". When I say he will freak, I meant that I know toys all over the place gives him anxiety and makes him uptight, and a ten minute clean-up will put him at ease and peace when he gets home. Certainly not that he will beat me if its not clean!

I was in a very abusive relationship for three years and in no way am diminishing the seriousness of it. But what I heard you saying is, are you justified in being upset or is it your hormones, and that you don't want to start something out of nothing. Some of us just don't care what drawer the socks go in, let some things go to prevent a fight over nothing.

It sounds like it was just that, he was embarrassed, and didn't want to stress you out about it, and like you said he obviously didn't try to hide it from you. This is your husband, you clearly love him and know him, and the ins and outs of what works for you guys. From everything you have said about him previously, he sounds like a great husband, and an excited soon-to-be father.

Just wanted to give you a shout out little mama, you're doing great!

~Karen

Gramof6

I have read many of your posts before I joined and got so excited to find that you were pregnant. I agree that it did not seem that your DH was hiding the tickets or you would never have found them. Nor did I feel that he was abusive in any way by your posts. My DH gets a bit uptight when he is really stressed over his work but abusive he is not in any way. I do however avoid making him more uptight many times just to keep the peace & hope that at times he would do the same. And I am sure he does. It takes 2 in a marriage. I think you handled the situation well and am proud of you. What has worked so well for us for 32 years is to be open and totally upfront & honest with each other. I feel that if you are going to expect that out of children then the parents have to practice it with each other for it to work. Just my 1/2 a cent worth. LOL I look forward to the birth of your precious little baby & I wish you & your DH the very best!

Hugs
Gram