raptureready

A friend of mine has her 94 yr old mother living with her. She's an only child and divorced with no children living at home so there's only her to care for her mother. Her mother is past the stage of speaking, has "frozen face syndrome" and has to wear Depends all the time. My friend bathes and dresses her mother. She was getting very worn out doing this on a 24/7 basis so she finally put her mother in an adult day care. It's only 4 or 5 hours a day, Mon-Fri but at least it gives her enough of a break that she can do her grocery shopping, get her hair done, and other errands that she needs to do. Usually she spend about an hour just going to the park and walking. You might check into something like that, I don't think it's too awfully expensive. The other thing is that you might find someone that's willing to help one or two days a week. That's usually pretty expensive though, depending on the area you live it could be anywhere from $10-$20 per hour. You asked about the stages of advancement--after my friends mother stopped speaking, she developed seizures--she would actually appear to be dead. The first time was very scary, now she takes it in stride with everything else. Her mother chokes easily and has to be watched constantly when eating. She said the frozen face syndrome is hard to deal with because her mother looks like she's extremely upset all the time. The corners of her mouth are drawn way down. However, she's still pleasant and seems to enjoy company. Sometimes I'm not sure she knows who I am--just someone that's come to see her and that seems to be good enough. I can't encourage you enough to try to get some relief help if only for a day or a couple of hours a day. It will help you take care of them longer.

One of the ladies on the board has written a book about her experiences of caring for her dad (?) with this disease. I believe the name of it is "Little Willie Won't Go Home". There's a sillouette of a man with a hunting rifle against a sunrise or sunset on the front. You might do a search on here to see if you can find it.

bakermom

sorry you're having to deal with this. We helped my mom care for my dad who had alzheimers. It take a lot out of you. now mom's health is failing and we(my siblings and i)are helping her. check with your local agencies,catholic charities, office on aging, etc. whatever they are called in you area. There is assistance for the patient and respite care available. Not all is based on income-or lack of it. if your FIL was a vertern check with the VA, he should be eligable for aid. The forms are a bear to fill out but they should help you with it.
Accept any help that is offered. it will be good for you and her.

hannajo

Where I used to live had "aging and adult services," which I imagine has different names in different places. It's basically a government agency with social workers who connect you and you MIL with resources you qualify for. You might want to see if you have something like that in your area. In my work I used to run into seniors who were bashful about receiving these services. I would try to tell them they worked for so many years and contributed to this system, so they deserve to be taken care of in their golden years.

I hope things work out for you and your MIL.

raptureready

http://www.quiltingboard.com/t-65196-1.htm

THis is the posting that gives the name of the book that I was telling you about.