Courtesy & good manners: lost arts?
07-15-2011, 12:12 PM
#11
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Las Cruces, NM
Posts: 4,128
Please let me share a proud Nana's story. A few years ago I was visiting my daughter and her family in SC. While entering a restaurant there were several people behind us. My 8 year-old grandson, instead of rushing through the door ahead of everyone else, opened the door and held it until all the people had entered the restaurant. This was all umprompted by his parents. To my great delight, this was not a one-time event, but a way of life for him and his two younger brothers. My daughter and her husband have done and continue to do a wonderful job in raising three boys with unbelievable values and codes of conduct.
07-15-2011, 12:27 PM
#12
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 460
I think that parents need to be PARENTS - they are so busy trying to be best friends with their children that they fail to teach them right from wrong or good manners.
Have told my two that there will be plenty of time in their lives for us to become adult friends - but for now - I'm your MOTHER and it's my job to teach you what you need to know.
Have told my two that there will be plenty of time in their lives for us to become adult friends - but for now - I'm your MOTHER and it's my job to teach you what you need to know.
07-15-2011, 01:14 PM
#13
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
What a great post.
First of all I lived in Georgia after we got married for a few years while my husband attended UGA. I will NEVER forget the manners displayed by everyone! It was just awesome. I'm a native NYer but my parents raised us well. Still, we didn't say Ma'am and Sir and I found it to be so charming and nice!
I agree that manners and respect have to come from home.
Love the "proud Nana" story! :D
First of all I lived in Georgia after we got married for a few years while my husband attended UGA. I will NEVER forget the manners displayed by everyone! It was just awesome. I'm a native NYer but my parents raised us well. Still, we didn't say Ma'am and Sir and I found it to be so charming and nice!
I agree that manners and respect have to come from home.
Love the "proud Nana" story! :D
07-15-2011, 01:21 PM
#14
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,789
Originally Posted by ontheriver
I don't know if it makes a difference because I live in rural Alabama and but I meet very few people, children included that do not use yes mame, no mame when speaking to you or please and thankyou. Adults even address people this way if they suspect you are even a day older than them. Everyone is very friendly and polite. They don't dare let their momma hear otherwise. Even friends will use a miss or mr in front of a person's first name, like Miss Julie, or Mr. Wayne.
Recently two of my younger DDs went with me to a quilt show. when we left their comment was"everyone complains about how rude kids are-The adults here are the rudest we've ever seen. They pushed us out of the way, ran into us with their scooters and didn't even say excuse me".
07-15-2011, 01:26 PM
#15
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Alturas, CA
Posts: 9,393
I agree that courtesy and good manners seem to be lost, but there are some people that have them. I was very, very impressed with the young man who asked my granddaughter out for a date, very respectful, yes ma'am, no sir, opens the door for a lady, etc. Doesn't dress in pants that practically fall off his butt, button up shirts, etc. Calls her every night to talk to her.
07-15-2011, 01:31 PM
#16
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Michigan. . .FINALLY!!!!
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Originally Posted by ontheriver
I don't know if it makes a difference because I live in rural Alabama and but I meet very few people, children included that do not use yes mame, no mame when speaking to you or please and thankyou. Adults even address people this way if they suspect you are even a day older than them. Everyone is very friendly and polite. They don't dare let their momma hear otherwise. Even friends will use a miss or mr in front of a person's first name, like Miss Julie, or Mr. Wayne.
07-15-2011, 01:34 PM
#17
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: SE Pennsylvania
Posts: 620
In spite of my criticisms of society in general, there are a core of us who are trying mightily to pass on these lessons to our children and grandchildren. Like Lynneander's grandson holding the door, I'm always surprised when people seek me out to tell me what a wonderful guy my son is, even at 18. We've always treated him with respect and expected the same of him.
I think we should start a movement for courtesy, civility and good manners. Do you think the president would decree a national "month" for such? I for one would be willing to write my congressman/woman.
I think we should start a movement for courtesy, civility and good manners. Do you think the president would decree a national "month" for such? I for one would be willing to write my congressman/woman.
07-15-2011, 02:29 PM
#18
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: from Fl currently in Indiana
Posts: 393
Originally Posted by Hen3rietta
I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.
When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.
There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.
It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.
When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.
There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.
It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.
PARENTS need to teach manners. Unfortunately, from my little tiny part of the world, parents are not doing anything.
Before I get blasted.... I have 2 small boys. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. We recently moved to a new neighborhood with tons of kids.
I have no fewer that 10 kids at my house everyday wanting to play with my kids toys, not my kids. I have yet to meet any of their parents.
Heck, when I was a kid, everyone parented. If I was acting up, I knew that Mrs JoAnne was going to spank my bum and send me home.
Here I asked a kid if he wanted a glass of water, as I was getting one for my boys. He said "What kinda juice you got?"
I told him that we drink water here. He walked in my house behind me and said "I wanna see what you got to drink"
:shock:
PARENTS need to be involved and teach manners, by the time they get to school it should already be something that is ingrained in to the child.
OK...Rant off sorry! ;)
07-15-2011, 04:43 PM
#19
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Waco, Texas
Posts: 15,138
Originally Posted by MTS
Sorry, were you talking to me? I didn't catch it because I was texting on my smartphone while simultaneously checking the browser for the weather in Phuket while changing lanes without a blinker while driving 80mph on the interstate. Why? Because I can.
:roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll:
:roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll:
07-15-2011, 04:49 PM
#20
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 4,532
I am adamant about my 5 year old always using please and thank you and sir and ma'am, holding the door and such. She needs to have respect for others if she wants to have others respect her.....you get what you give
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