dungeonquilts

I like this one as this is "how" I raised my kids....I do believe it is their "space"....however, I sometimes question my judgement "now" as one of the children still live this way "stuff" all over! It was a battle to have them clean their room and it did save my "sanity". They did learn it had to be in their room or it would disappear as my house was not going to look like their "bedroom".

2 Doods

You're right. In his case it did-especially the bathroom. Everything had to be placed just right and perfect for him to leave the room. Made us late to school a lot. It was also the guest bath so it was always neat and clean.

SueDor

What a wonderful idea! I wish I had that one about 10 years ago. To late now. And the idea of having them buy back their stuff is great also.

Mimito2

If my DS did not take their clothes to the hamper in the laundry room they got to wear them dirty to school. I even had a teacher call me about 1 wearing the same clothes to school for 3 days. She wondered what was wrong. I told her and she asked DS in front of class what was up. That evening room was cleaned and clothes were in the hamper!
I am now teaching my 9 yr old DGS to do his own laundry. Spot cleaning and all. He now knows what napkins are for, he uses them instead of his shirt tail :) He is also learning to cook simple meals and dishes go in the dishwasher not left where ever he gets done eating.

Jan in VA

I think you misunderstand; occupying a room within the family home does not mean you own it. When you are writing the monthly mortgage check, paying the roofers, the yard guys, the service and repair people, the painters, keeping up with the maintenance ad infinitum, paying the utility and grocery bills, buying the furniture and linens for "your" room, THEN you can talk about it being "YOUR" room!

Private space to do as they wish is not part of the required parental obligation to ones offspring. You have a "room of your own" by the good grace of your loving parents, not by "rights".

Have another fat quarter, Love, this is not meant to bash you or anyone else, just gives a differing perspective.

Jan in VA (who was also a "mean mother" but whose daughter -- at age 15! -- once told her "Thank you, Mom, for being the kind of mother you are." I was so touched I cried.)

Chasing Hawk

Jan,

I agree with you. I expected a certain standard in my house. If it wasn't met then things changed. I used a rake in my daughters room one day because "her room" was "creeping" into the hall.

My thought is.If I am providing you (my kids) a place to live, rules will be followed. When you start paying for your own house and other things then do as you want.

I bought their first car for them, rules were attached to that. (see a previous post)
They keep up their part of the deal.

moonwolf23

I understood quite readily and I would have taken what you said and when I became an adult, would not have had contact with you.

You would have crossed my personal boundaries and it would not have been forgiven.

Annaquilts

Strugling with similar issues. I think mine just got my lack of organizing genes even the adoptive ones. There are a few that don't though. I think overal too much stuff is the issue. They are not unwilling overal. I do think you got the right idea by packing up stuff. Let me know if you find soemthing that works well. Thanks!

Annaquilts

This seems to be were we are at right now. It is hard though as multiple children share rooms and I feel sorry for the one that is not a mess.

May in Jersey

You know I'm not a perfectionist but I know when enough is enough. My boys weren't too bad when they were living at home but oldest son's room looked like we were robbed, his car was dubbed "The Closet" and he was always misplacing his wallet, keys, etc. Middle son is like me, knows where his stuff is most of the time. Told them they needed to empty their pockets because any money found in the laundry was mine. After oldest lost a few 5's and 10's he got the message.

May in Jersey