Did you hear any screaming and crying from the NW
09-29-2010, 04:24 PM
#71
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by PatriceJ
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
See had my mother done, that I don't think I would talk to her again. My room is my room and my domain. Outside the room I can see, but be aware if your kids are as private as I am, you will get the consequences as well.
...
I understood quite readily and I would have taken what you said and when I became an adult, would not have had contact with you.
You would have crossed my personal boundaries and it would not have been forgiven.
...
I understood quite readily and I would have taken what you said and when I became an adult, would not have had contact with you.
You would have crossed my personal boundaries and it would not have been forgiven.
Nor do I appreciate the insult.
My stuff, in my space, should not be taken out, burnt or anything else. If it's in public space, fine, but leave my stuff alone. You go in my room and take stuff out of my room, your disrespecting me, especially as a teen as I wasn't that much of a problem
So what if the kid has a messy room. What teen doesn't. Does she take drugs, have low grades, hang out with bad people? If not, go to the roof top and have a celebration. If the worst that you have to worry about is clothes on the floor, big whoop.
But don't expect teens or anyone else to be all oooh your a good mom to take stuff out of my room and toss it, if there isn't a good reason, and a cluttered floor isn't a good reason. Pests would be a good reason. But a messy room, isn't. Your then disrespecting someone else's privacy. I see no need to continue a relationship with someone who couldn't respect me enough to let me chill out in my room, which is my area to decompress and to unwind from the day and escape from the world.
AS for the clothes on her back, your required by law, same with food, and the shelter thing.
09-29-2010, 04:27 PM
#72
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by booklady
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by Jan in VA
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
See had my mother done, that I don't think I would talk to her again. My room is my room and my domain. Outside the room I can see, but be aware if your kids are as private as I am, you will get the consequences as well.
Private space to do as they wish is not part of the required parental obligation to ones offspring. You have a "room of your own" by the good grace of your loving parents, not by "rights".
Have another fat quarter, Love, this is not meant to bash you or anyone else, just gives a differing perspective.
Jan in VA (who was also a "mean mother" but whose daughter -- at age 15! -- once told her "Thank you, Mom, for being the kind of mother you are." I was so touched I cried.)
You would have crossed my personal boundaries and it would not have been forgiven.
My mom respected my room and didn't push that boundary probably because she understood that some things you leave alone. She wouldn't have appreciated that done to her as a child so she didn't try to inflict something like that on me.
Stuff has sentimentality, even if it's not readily apparent to people, even if it's on the floor. Some kids may not react in my way but some may. Keep in mind if your going to go that hardcore and know your kid. Are you willing to risk it, if they are a good kid in other ways, just so you can win a fight of power? Because you may win this battle but loose another. You want respect, you gotta give it too.
I've known plenty of kids who have not come from stellar homelives, they prefer the loneliness to the unhealthy drama of some family lives. Many find wonderful friends who become family they choose.
I would also like to point out your making quite an assumption about me.
09-29-2010, 04:28 PM
#73
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by vjengels
I used to close the door to my daughters room, it was her space, let her live w/the mess if she wanted to, when she ran out of clothes, I just pointed to the washer. If they're too grown up to do as their told they're old enough to do their own laundry.. One thing I was adamamt about; your mess better not migrate to the rest of the house.
09-29-2010, 04:44 PM
#74
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by Quiltforme
I agree I pay good money for the roof over their heads and I may be "strict" my mother was not I did not have to put my stuff away and she worked so hard a single mom to take care of us. I want my daughters to respect themselves and the house that they are raised in enough that they keep it clean. I PAY FOR the close on the floor and the bed they sleep in and the food they eat the plates they eat it upon I should have the right to tell them how I want their room to look. It is hard to see a $40 outfit laying on the floor days after it was purchased. I can understand privacy but when you are disrespectful I will take action. I have gone so far as to remove the door on one of the kids rooms because of it. I know now that my actions with my kids were spot on. I only shop at value village with my kids because of the lack of respect they have for the clothes I buy. My middle daughter does not like it she is used to her dads home where they buy name brand clothing. She comes home from school and you can tell what direction she came in and went from the trail she left behind. I am 100% more confident to keep my word from all of you wonderful moms with amazing advice. THANK YOU!!! Really ladies I do appriciate all of you!! I will say I did enjoy the look on my daughters face when she realized her "good" pants where gone. It really made her think of what she lost and now only has 1 pair of pants left that fit. I am not a confrontational person I am the peace keeper but I am now RAMBOMOM who will no longer put up with the CRAP!!!! Backbone has grown in YAHOO!!
One, instead of assuming she's disrespecting you, and I've been a victim of these assumptions before by people who won't or can't ask me what's up, why don't you have a talk with your daughter. Tell her how you feel, and get her view.
Conflict resolution 101
Two
She's a teen. She may not even think about putting her stuff up not because she's a lazy blah blah blah, but because she's got a gazillion things going on. And if she's a product of a divorced home(not sure how long) that may also play into it. Instead of going head to head with a power play, talk to her.
09-29-2010, 05:33 PM
#75
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,395
Have to interject a funny story here...I did do the family laundry when kiddos were home...but they had to 'find' their stuff in the basket when it was done...I was NOT going to figure out whose was whose...
Anyway, when #4 son was getting ready to go off to college, I started in on the 'how to do your laundry' speech. He interrupted with the following classic comment..."Mom, I know how to do laundry, I've watched enough commercials to know what to do!" LOL!!!
Anyway, when #4 son was getting ready to go off to college, I started in on the 'how to do your laundry' speech. He interrupted with the following classic comment..."Mom, I know how to do laundry, I've watched enough commercials to know what to do!" LOL!!!
09-29-2010, 05:36 PM
#76
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by mom-6
Have to interject a funny story here...I did do the family laundry when kiddos were home...but they had to 'find' their stuff in the basket when it was done...I was NOT going to figure out whose was whose...
Anyway, when #4 son was getting ready to go off to college, I started in on the 'how to do your laundry' speech. He interrupted with the following classic comment..."Mom, I know how to do laundry, I've watched enough commercials to know what to do!" LOL!!!
Anyway, when #4 son was getting ready to go off to college, I started in on the 'how to do your laundry' speech. He interrupted with the following classic comment..."Mom, I know how to do laundry, I've watched enough commercials to know what to do!" LOL!!!
That's funny.
09-29-2010, 10:37 PM
#77
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oceanside, Calif
Posts: 578
As a single parent I was responsible for raising my 2 sons and 1 daughter. Their father was not in the picture. The only thing I had to go on was to remember - I was not raising children, but adults.
When the time came, I wanted them to be self disciplined, self sufficient and know how to make sound choices or suffer the consequences. In order to do this I had to "work myself out of a job". This is the hardest part because we as mothers are nurturing. I started snipping the apron strings when they became teenagers. It was nerve-wracking, but in my opinion, it had to be done.
They've all become responsible adults, now in their 40's; they love me and I know they would do anything I ask of them. I only ask to enjoy their company and the grandchildrens' whenever possible. Who knows, I may have to ask them to change MY diapers one day - HOPEFULLY NOT! LOL
When the time came, I wanted them to be self disciplined, self sufficient and know how to make sound choices or suffer the consequences. In order to do this I had to "work myself out of a job". This is the hardest part because we as mothers are nurturing. I started snipping the apron strings when they became teenagers. It was nerve-wracking, but in my opinion, it had to be done.
They've all become responsible adults, now in their 40's; they love me and I know they would do anything I ask of them. I only ask to enjoy their company and the grandchildrens' whenever possible. Who knows, I may have to ask them to change MY diapers one day - HOPEFULLY NOT! LOL
09-29-2010, 11:26 PM
#78
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Salem, Oregon
Posts: 2,438
WOW Ladies ya'll are getting mean and nasty with each other.
I don't think the author of the thread meant the kids bedrooms if everyone re-reads her first entry it states COUNTER as in the bathroom. I don't know to many bedrooms that have a counter in them. My guess is that she got tired of the kids leaving all their crap on the bathroom floor and counters where other people use that room too. I don't think she meant the kids personal space.
However having allowed my kids to have pigsty's for bedrooms you'd be amazed at the moldy food and other miscellaneous stuff that should never be there and now smashed into the carpet :-)
This.
I don't think the author of the thread meant the kids bedrooms if everyone re-reads her first entry it states COUNTER as in the bathroom. I don't know to many bedrooms that have a counter in them. My guess is that she got tired of the kids leaving all their crap on the bathroom floor and counters where other people use that room too. I don't think she meant the kids personal space.
However having allowed my kids to have pigsty's for bedrooms you'd be amazed at the moldy food and other miscellaneous stuff that should never be there and now smashed into the carpet :-)
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by vjengels
I used to close the door to my daughters room, it was her space, let her live w/the mess if she wanted to, when she ran out of clothes, I just pointed to the washer. If they're too grown up to do as their told they're old enough to do their own laundry.. One thing I was adamamt about; your mess better not migrate to the rest of the house.
09-29-2010, 11:28 PM
#79
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Salem, Oregon
Posts: 2,438
WOW Ladies ya'll are getting mean and nasty with each other.
if you still felt that way after becoming old enough to live on your own, you would not have become an adult. you would have merely become an older but still spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate, ungrateful brat.
No I wouldn't have.
Nor do I appreciate the insult.
My stuff, in my space, should not be taken out, burnt or anything else. If it's in public space, fine, but leave my stuff alone. You go in my room and take stuff out of my room, your disrespecting me, especially as a teen as I wasn't that much of a problem
So what if the kid has a messy room. What teen doesn't. Does she take drugs, have low grades, hang out with bad people? If not, go to the roof top and have a celebration. If the worst that you have to worry about is clothes on the floor, big whoop.
But don't expect teens or anyone else to be all oooh your a good mom to take stuff out of my room and toss it, if there isn't a good reason, and a cluttered floor isn't a good reason. Pests would be a good reason. But a messy room, isn't. Your then disrespecting someone else's privacy. I see no need to continue a relationship with someone who couldn't respect me enough to let me chill out in my room, which is my area to decompress and to unwind from the day and escape from the world.
AS for the clothes on her back, your required by law, same with food, and the shelter thing.
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by PatriceJ
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
See had my mother done, that I don't think I would talk to her again. My room is my room and my domain. Outside the room I can see, but be aware if your kids are as private as I am, you will get the consequences as well.
...
I understood quite readily and I would have taken what you said and when I became an adult, would not have had contact with you.
You would have crossed my personal boundaries and it would not have been forgiven.
...
I understood quite readily and I would have taken what you said and when I became an adult, would not have had contact with you.
You would have crossed my personal boundaries and it would not have been forgiven.
Nor do I appreciate the insult.
My stuff, in my space, should not be taken out, burnt or anything else. If it's in public space, fine, but leave my stuff alone. You go in my room and take stuff out of my room, your disrespecting me, especially as a teen as I wasn't that much of a problem
So what if the kid has a messy room. What teen doesn't. Does she take drugs, have low grades, hang out with bad people? If not, go to the roof top and have a celebration. If the worst that you have to worry about is clothes on the floor, big whoop.
But don't expect teens or anyone else to be all oooh your a good mom to take stuff out of my room and toss it, if there isn't a good reason, and a cluttered floor isn't a good reason. Pests would be a good reason. But a messy room, isn't. Your then disrespecting someone else's privacy. I see no need to continue a relationship with someone who couldn't respect me enough to let me chill out in my room, which is my area to decompress and to unwind from the day and escape from the world.
AS for the clothes on her back, your required by law, same with food, and the shelter thing.
09-30-2010, 01:52 AM
#80
Administrator
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Southeast Georgia, USA
Posts: 9,119
yes, that's true. i must own my part in that and take full responsibility.
1. parents today must struggle daily against the "role models" thrown up by the sports, music and entertainment industries.
we are under severe pressure from the hedonists to overindulge our children from a material standpoint; to tolerate all sorts of intolerable behavior; to ignore our responsibility to teach them right from wrong, the difference between want and need, and to understand that they will eventually need to work for what they want. we are pressed on several fronts to imbue in our children a sense of automatic entitlement unheard of in past generations.
2. it's common knowledge among those who've actually "survived" raising teenagers that their perspective on most things differs considerably from ours. in nearly every case, their perspective becomes more grounded in reality as time passes and they join the Parents' Club.
3. since our board is for adults my truth was told hypothetically. i assumed that it was all theoretical.
we were humming along nicely, addressing the issue with both humor and common sense. that was disrupted and i responded. i'm completely aware of how ironic that is, considering how much i prefer that we not get into heated arguments here. however, every huge once in a while the truth must be told at risk of severe controversy. i both regret and don't regret being the one to take a stand for parents everywhere.
one thing i sincerely regret deeply is that we (which definitely includes me) have accidentally hijacked a humorous thread about a small matter and turned it in a different direction toward long-term social implications of a much wider nature. i cannot apologize enough for that.
let the level heads prevail from here out. back to the fun! :-)
1. parents today must struggle daily against the "role models" thrown up by the sports, music and entertainment industries.
we are under severe pressure from the hedonists to overindulge our children from a material standpoint; to tolerate all sorts of intolerable behavior; to ignore our responsibility to teach them right from wrong, the difference between want and need, and to understand that they will eventually need to work for what they want. we are pressed on several fronts to imbue in our children a sense of automatic entitlement unheard of in past generations.
2. it's common knowledge among those who've actually "survived" raising teenagers that their perspective on most things differs considerably from ours. in nearly every case, their perspective becomes more grounded in reality as time passes and they join the Parents' Club.
3. since our board is for adults my truth was told hypothetically. i assumed that it was all theoretical.
we were humming along nicely, addressing the issue with both humor and common sense. that was disrupted and i responded. i'm completely aware of how ironic that is, considering how much i prefer that we not get into heated arguments here. however, every huge once in a while the truth must be told at risk of severe controversy. i both regret and don't regret being the one to take a stand for parents everywhere.
one thing i sincerely regret deeply is that we (which definitely includes me) have accidentally hijacked a humorous thread about a small matter and turned it in a different direction toward long-term social implications of a much wider nature. i cannot apologize enough for that.
let the level heads prevail from here out. back to the fun! :-)
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
ann clare
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
42
01-28-2011 06:09 PM
