Kitsapquilter

Hubby and I will celebrate our 45th in April. I have to admit that it gets much easier the longer it lasts. At least for us. Think it is because we both did alot of growing up which means we learned to forgive and forget much more than when we were younger. Put this with all the other pieces of advice already given on here. And remember you may have problems but they go away if you let them!

cathyvv

I will add two more thing to the list of red flags:

1) physically abuse you in any way, and then tell you it was your fault for doing 'x', whatever 'x' is, and that he/she 'loves' you and it will never happen again.

It is NOT your fault that your partner cannot control him/herself when he/she doesn't like something you do or say. A person who physically abuses you does NOT love you - PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER DO NOT HURT EACH OTHER. I can't be any clearer than that.

2) verbally abuse you, call you nasty names, curse at you, blame you for everything that goes wrong in his/her life...

If your partner screws up, that is his/her doing, not your fault.

Simply put, you are not responsible for your partners' happiness. He or she is. If you always try to make him/her happy, NEITHER of you will ever be happy.

Note that I am NOT advocating that you disregard your partners' feelings about things. I advocate that you and your partner are individuals who are ultimately responsible for your own lives and your own happiness.

You cannot rely on someone else to be a 'happiness app' for you...life doesn't work that way.

My DH asked me if I would make him happy when we were married. I told him no, that was his responsibility, not mine. I followed that by saying I will never intentionally do something that is designed to make him unhappy.

lalaland

Marriage is a partnership, you don't have to agree with each other on everything, but you need to be supportive of the other person, and accepting of your differences. Treat each other always with kindness and consideration and when dealing with your children, always present a united front, even if one of you needs to agree to compromise.

smagruder

Talk to one another and stay committed.

ragqueen03

i always say my husband makes me laugh every day and i know i make him laugh every day too! some times the looks he gives me is priceless! plus he is my best friend. we have had some rough times lately but all in all i can't imagine life without him. i wouldn't be me if it wasn't for him being in my life!

Scrap Happy

This April will be our 17th wedding anniversary but we have known each other for 28 years. We didn’t rush things LOL! I believe it is important to let my DH know how important he is to me whether through words or actions. We were friends for a long time and that is an excellent basis for a loving and trusting marriage. People say a marriage is 50%/50% but honestly sometimes it is 80%/20% or whatever and changes throughout the years. Don’t keep score. My uncle takes care of my Aunt and they got married in 1946. She has Alzheimer’s and he takes care of her 24/7 and he wouldn’t have it any other way. She doesn’t like getting up in the morning so every morning he walks into the bedroom to wake her up pretending to be Frank Sinatra singing “New York, New York” and gently opens the blinds. This puts a smile on her face every time. After 65 years of marriage she is still the apple of his eye :-P

skeetersmom

All your posts are just great, and I've enjoyed reading them. So much good advice!

DH and I are celebrating our 49th next month.........and planning our 50th anniversary party. Can't think of a better way to spend this next year. Perhaps it might be a good bit of advice to begin planning your 50th anniversary party.......on your first anniversary?

damaquilts

I wish you all had been around when I was younger. :-) It seems like one of the most important things is pick the right person to marry in the first place. I picked the wrong ones twice and quit. Never again.
My first FIL was a wonderful gentle man. I wish I could have found someone like him. He adored his wife. To the rest of us she was a demanding B****. To him she was his beautiful "Dolly". He carried around a photo of her in a bathing suit when she was in her late teens or early twenties. That is the photo he always showed if asked and that is how he saw her up until the day she died.
And even after she died he still said he was married and remembered their anniversay. He missed her up until the day he died.

quilt3311

Our trick is when you get MAD at each other, DO NOT get mad at the person, get mad at the "action" that brought on the MAD. I know it sounds strange, but your usually NOT mad at the person, but at some slight or whatever. Then take a break, come back and tell each other that you love them but hate the action that cause the quarrel. Its worked for 44 years for us.

ginnie6

best advice I ever got was that NO marriage is 50/50. sometimes its 80/20 or 20/80....you ghave to be preprared to give a lot more than you're getting at times. We will celebrate 25 years this September and those words have rang true many times. Very seldom has it been 50/50....but there have been many times where one of us has given more than the other.