Guarenteed to make you laugh...more then once!
10-25-2010, 05:50 PM
#1
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Crystal River Florida
Posts: 9,785
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
*************
Keep reading below! - They get better!
>
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding
items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her
purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to
come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most evil thing I could
do to him legally.'
>
> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up
& down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag
of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought
you were looking for some tampons for your wife?" He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll
my own ... so does she!"
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...'
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.' The wife responded,
'Allow me to explain. .
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would
be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee.' The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it,
and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .... 'HEBREWS'
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him up at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man awoke, only to find
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed
his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woke him when he noticed
a piece of paper by the bed..
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
(Men are not equipped
for these kinds of contests)
>
God may have created man before woman, but there's
always a rough draft before the masterpiece! !
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
*************
Keep reading below! - They get better!
>
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding
items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her
purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to
come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most evil thing I could
do to him legally.'
>
> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up
& down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag
of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought
you were looking for some tampons for your wife?" He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll
my own ... so does she!"
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...'
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.' The wife responded,
'Allow me to explain. .
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would
be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee.' The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it,
and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .... 'HEBREWS'
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him up at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man awoke, only to find
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed
his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woke him when he noticed
a piece of paper by the bed..
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
(Men are not equipped
for these kinds of contests)
>
God may have created man before woman, but there's
always a rough draft before the masterpiece! !
10-25-2010, 06:42 PM
#10
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New Bern, NC
Posts: 515
ROFLOL. Thanks now I have a joke to share at lunch each day this week. I shared the one with the guy/woman cell phone call about the coat, car and house. My boss thought it was hilarious. He loves a great joke.
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