GUILTY WITH AN EXPLANATION - TOOO FUNNY!!
03-26-2010, 12:42 PM
#1
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 2,328
SUBJECT: This is priceless enjoy!
At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation
was, so I told my story:
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept.
I was met with 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head
to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then
slip on this gown. Everything clear?' 'I'm thinking, 'Belinda try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me
(literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get
everything?'
'Fine", I answered. I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs
and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast
wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag' Belinda said,
and headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall
lights. I'll be right back.'
Before I could shout 'NOOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance
men extraordinaire, found me half naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other
part smashed between glass!
After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked,
to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with
as much calmness as possible. 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied
and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress
her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot
about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, 'Case Dismissed!!'
At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation
was, so I told my story:
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept.
I was met with 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head
to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then
slip on this gown. Everything clear?' 'I'm thinking, 'Belinda try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me
(literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get
everything?'
'Fine", I answered. I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs
and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast
wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag' Belinda said,
and headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall
lights. I'll be right back.'
Before I could shout 'NOOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance
men extraordinaire, found me half naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other
part smashed between glass!
After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked,
to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with
as much calmness as possible. 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied
and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress
her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot
about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, 'Case Dismissed!!'
03-26-2010, 05:05 PM
#9
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 5,142
That's hilarious. I always try to prepare ahead of time for those things---go into training so to speak. I go outside, strip, lay down on the driveway and have my husband drive over each boob a couple of times. Then I spend a few days slamming them in the refrigerator door. LOL
03-26-2010, 05:14 PM
#10
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 8,966
That's just soooo good. My favorite part (aside from having to have this done every six months because both my sisters had breast cancer at young ages) is when the jaws of life have you clamped so hard that you can't move and the tech says, "Okie dokie, hold your breath for me!" Like there's even a possibility that I COULD breathe.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
butterflywing
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
0
12-26-2009 02:43 PM
