Heavy decison to make
03-26-2010, 07:52 PM
#21
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: NW Wa
Posts: 1,549
QG you have thought about this and have had great advice here and I know you will do the right thing, the child's life should be first concideration... Just love him to and you may just get the biggest blessing. Seeing the kid and your husband happy together will be nice for all of you...
ConnieF
ConnieF
03-26-2010, 08:02 PM
#22
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Idaho
Posts: 6,442
I was going to say pretty much the same thing that Irish did... your hubby's ex, and her children helped to make him the man he is today...and you love the man he is today.
If they weren't jealous of me, I'd most likely be able to be friends with both my hubby's exwife and exgirlfriend...~shrug~
I wish you peace in whatever decision you make... :)
If they weren't jealous of me, I'd most likely be able to be friends with both my hubby's exwife and exgirlfriend...~shrug~
I wish you peace in whatever decision you make... :)
03-27-2010, 05:40 AM
#23
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Barnesville GA
Posts: 3,181
I have never had this problem My brothers new wife # 3 has to deal with it though and she is doing fine. His first two wives were bad mistakes on his part at least the 3rd time was the charm. His step daughter(#2 marriage) and SGD have more to do with him then the step daughters Mom. The kid who is 14 just told everyone that if anything happens to her mom she wants to go live with my brother not her dad or stepdad.
The boy is his own person. He had nothing to do with what happened between you and your husband. But your husband must be a pretty good man if this boy wants to have contact with him. It's hard I know but try to take this boy for himself.
The boy is his own person. He had nothing to do with what happened between you and your husband. But your husband must be a pretty good man if this boy wants to have contact with him. It's hard I know but try to take this boy for himself.
03-27-2010, 06:02 AM
#24
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: blink and you've missed it
Posts: 2,562
my daughters found their step sister after their dad walked out on them many years ago. they wanted to meet up- i told them she could come here to see them.
i found out later her mom flew off the handle, had a real fit, etc. she said to me- i can't believe you would have me in your home. i told her it was for them, not me.
found out the dad (dirtbag) had actually adopted her- I am still mad at him for walking out of their lives but even more so for adopting her when he had 2 daughters.
when my daughters got married, she came, she calls me mom and says i am nicer than her mom. i tell her she's one of my "extra" kids- my extended family and always welcome here.
the kid's dad is #1 on my "when murder becomes legal" list. even more so now. :)
moral of the story- go for it grannie! you may just end up with some more love to share you didn't know you had.
i found out later her mom flew off the handle, had a real fit, etc. she said to me- i can't believe you would have me in your home. i told her it was for them, not me.
found out the dad (dirtbag) had actually adopted her- I am still mad at him for walking out of their lives but even more so for adopting her when he had 2 daughters.
when my daughters got married, she came, she calls me mom and says i am nicer than her mom. i tell her she's one of my "extra" kids- my extended family and always welcome here.
the kid's dad is #1 on my "when murder becomes legal" list. even more so now. :)
moral of the story- go for it grannie! you may just end up with some more love to share you didn't know you had.
03-27-2010, 06:32 AM
#25
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 72
It's up to you to decide, but consider this: when you offer to open heart, it only makes your love grow fuller and more abundantly to give to others. If you make room for this young man in your life, you will only add to your own life, as well as your husband's and this kid. I agree that if a 17-year old thinks enough of your husband to contact him, its an opportunity to appreciate what you have in him and to enhance the list of reasons why you loved him in the first place. Love's only love when you give it away. Y'all will be in my prayers.
03-27-2010, 06:32 AM
#26
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 3,877
This boy is 17 and is probably in need of future guidance. My son is this age and is making some very crucial decisions about his future. Life plans and goals.
Believe me I do understand your hesitation, because my DH has the ex-wife from h***!!! Which is his son's mother!! Even though she's been with the guy she left DH for 9yrs, she stills keeps running back whenever she needs/wants something. Guess the new one really can't do anything, not our problem!! She also has 2 daughters from a previous marriage and one of them is the same way with DH. Has made for a very static relationship!
As long as you feel secure (and you really have to be this) that this isn't about her, go with what your tummy tells you!! Your tummy won't lead you wrong. {{{HUGS}}}
Believe me I do understand your hesitation, because my DH has the ex-wife from h***!!! Which is his son's mother!! Even though she's been with the guy she left DH for 9yrs, she stills keeps running back whenever she needs/wants something. Guess the new one really can't do anything, not our problem!! She also has 2 daughters from a previous marriage and one of them is the same way with DH. Has made for a very static relationship!
As long as you feel secure (and you really have to be this) that this isn't about her, go with what your tummy tells you!! Your tummy won't lead you wrong. {{{HUGS}}}
03-27-2010, 06:58 AM
#27
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Salem, OR
Posts: 511
Originally Posted by kapatt
I would do two things. First I would talk with my husband about how it makes me feel so that we could handle this together. Second, I would have some boundaries about this situation. I can't tell you what boundaries I would have because I'm not in the situation, but I would have boundaries...i.e. my husband, myself and this boy meet somewhere away from my home (maybe at a resturant).
Like the others, I would give the boy a chance. He may need to talk to your husband about things so if private time is needed between your husband and him, I would give them the opportunity.
Like the others, I would give the boy a chance. He may need to talk to your husband about things so if private time is needed between your husband and him, I would give them the opportunity.
03-27-2010, 08:29 AM
#29
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Rancho Mirage, CA
Posts: 1,855
My son is in much the same situation. He is divorced but stays in constant contact wih his step-children. They love hm and he they,it is a poitive relationship for the chidren as they have a male figure who is decent. He has been in their lives for almost 9 years. The relationship is with the children not the ex.
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