Jim's Gem

I think we all need to try and listen to people more!!!!

Jan in VA

I remember once, after frustrations over tyring to have an honest discussion about some issue with my now ex, I sat down at the computer and typed. I made him stand behind me so he could not see my facial expressions as I "talked" to him and pick up any cues, any perceived emotions from me. All he got was the black and white typing and I was careful to leave emotional wording out of it.

I typed out what I wanted him to "hear'.
I asked him to read it.,
When he had done so, I erased it from the screen.
I asked him to express back to me what I had just written and he had just read.
He still couldn't do it without putting his personal bias into the words I had NOT written.
I felt really hopeless of ever being understood.

Notice I identified him as my ex. :?

Jan in VA

sueisallaboutquilts

Rhonda, such a great post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what I do???

When I get interrupted I promptly say "Could you please let me finish what I was saying"??? ( in the calmest voice I can muster)

I swear it works!!!

It works it works it works!!!

Try it folks :D:D

Ramona Byrd

I was taught a LONG time ago that conversation meant that I talk for a while, then SHUT UP and LISTEN to you while YOU talk. Then it's my turn again, so on and on.

But you're right, none of the younger folks (outside my family, of course) have been taught this. And it's my bet a lot of them have lost job opportunities just because of that. My late DH said that when he interviewed a potential new employee, he listened as well as spoke. And he also looked at how they were dressed. He didn't much care what they wore if it was in good taste, and what condition it was in..jeans clean and pressed, language used correctly, and if they paid attention to him while HE was talking.

Rhonda

thanks everyone! I am an only child and I spent alot of time alone when growing up. My DH always insisted we talk about things when we first got married. He is still like that. I found it hard to talk and be accountable for where i was and where I was going. but now I like keeping that communication kept open. He always insists on telling me where he is going to be and when he will be back(tho now that is just at walmart when we are shopping) so I had to learn to share my thoughts.

My mom on the other hand just wants an audience who murmers yes I agree from time to time. She is NOT a good listener. She is always telling me later that I never told her ,,,,,,,,,. But I did. She was too busy thinking about what she wanted to say. I am a loner and quite happy with my own time to myself but she isn't.

I have learned to shut up when it is obvious the person I am talking to is not listening to me anyway. And they usually don't even notice that I shut up. Probably because they weren't listening in the first place!

I don't mean for this to be negative just a place to realize we have a great group of people who try to respect each other and support one another!! I sooooo appreciate that!

chance

I get "you never told me that!" a lot. So, if it's important, I say "please repeat what I just said". Works most times. But I am still considering taping all my conversations to replay at the appropriate time.

polly13

Oh, so true. We were with friends and DH asked if I felt all right because I was so quiet. I told him it was because we have all talkers, no listeners. I tried, but no one listened. Love this Board as we get a response to what we have to say.

cr12cats

DH+listening=0
DH's family +listening =0
sorry that just can't be added up.
I was raised as a only child in a house where you were not heard and seen as little as possible so learned to intertain myself.At home I head here to the puter then whatever. DH can also entertain himself cause he was raised as a only child also. Only difference is he never hushs up even if you try and talk he keeps going.His family just talks away at whoever even if they as ask you something and you're in mid sentence so i just pretty act like i am watching the tv and try not to fall asleep.what is really frustrating though they come in and no matter what you are doing they just interupt and go on and on. oh then on and on and on.........What is funny too is after my stoke they have to talk really loud to me now, my ears did't have anything to do with it, does any one get that one?

CarrieAnne

Oh, my kids ALWAYS say that to me, You never told me......

happymrs

I know exactly what you mean & feel the same way, & I get very tired of trying to talk to some people. My DH is often the worst too. That man can talk on the phone for hours, but I try to have a nice conversation with him & he interrupts, & talks right over me. I use to cashier in an specialty grocery store here, & now I hate rude cashiers, or customers even. Some people just don't get it, do they! I wear hearing aids now & sometimes, that makes it even worse, so like you, I find online communicating much nicer, & with no interruptions, lol... And, if you don't like what someone says, there is always the delete key, right!