Willa

If you owe them money and especiallyif they are hurting for money, I could see why she wouldn't want you to buy anything but essentials. I could also understand where she is coming from if you say anything about being short on money or having to work extra to pay the bills. I had 2 friends I used to work with come up and we went to the casino. "Betty" and I watched "Cleo" put a $100 bill into one machine. Ok nothing said we were thinking she must be ok with what her hubby makes no problem. Over the next year she talks almost everytime about going shopping and buying clothes, ok hubby must still be making enough no problem. THEN she started to tell us how her hubby wasn't able to work as much overtime and they were thinking of getting a horse and an RV, meanwhile still shopping for clothes. Oh by the way they had just bought a nice 5 bd house. We start to get concerned because of layoffs. Then she tells us they bought the RV. They got the horse and have to board it and go every day to feed it. QVC and HSN are 2 of her favorite channels. They got 3 more dogs for a total of 5 dogs. In her next sentence she tells again of hubby getting even less overtime. A little more time passes and now hubby has no overtime and has to get second job (almost cries here) and they might loose the house she loves, but their daughter still loves her horse and might get her a second. She also tells us her father in law won't give them any money and they're all mad at him for not giving them any!
Even though these were all things that made her happy (they really didn't NEED the horse or the RV they just WANTED) we could hear that getting them anytime she wanted was hurting she and her family. "Betty" and I find it very difficult to be excited for "Cleo" now when she tells us she's getting something new. "Cleo's" finances are not our business but we do care about her. I have a feeling your SIL is just worried about you. Maybe watch what you say to her from now on about finances.

mayday

many years ago I had a lovely carpet fitter who had a penchant for cars, he had a new one every two yrs and when people made snide remarks about it he used to tell them that he did not go on fancy holidays, drink or smoke and was careful in all other things AND as he could afford it he would continue to buy his cars as they gave him much pleasure and lovely memories which couldn't be taken away------they soon shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!

liminanc

I always say this is my vice, I don't drink, I don't smoke, don't drive a fancy car, I spend my money on fabric. We all spend it on what we want, some people eat out a lot etc. so laugh it off as your "vice", we are all entitled to one. lol

Barbm

great advice here. As long as your bills are paid and you're not needing essentials, what's wrong with a yard of fabric here or there?

I bought a bunch today- found some to match quilts for my gs and gd- now I have the "missing links" so I can make them. Also found 4 fabrics to make a quilt to raffle for a dear friend who has a unusual form of incurable cancer. Figure if I make it she might have $ for a test or two.

What will people say that I bought fabric- nothing- it's for others, not me. And I don't smoke or drink or go on cruises, or.....

sewmuchmore

She is so use to telling people what is good for them, now she not able to work and do what she enjoyed is hard for her. Maybe you could ask her if she would like to learn to quilt. That you would be happy to teach her. Encouger her to give it a try. Who knows maybe this is what she wanted all alone. I will be praying for you and her.

Ramona Byrd

they borrow money , they do not help me with finances.from me! pay back is a long time waiting.
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After reading all the comments here, I suspect this is the most real and dominant thing..they borrow money, and don't pay it back easily. Do you think they believe that they earned it by taking care of you when you were in need? And resent anything they have to pay back and resent you spending money on YOU?

Since SIL was a nurse, there should be lots of helpful organizations near her that she could latch on to should she want. She is a highly educated person and should know where these things are and how to get on their lists.

But still counts on YOU, who live far away, to come and take care of HER? I have no idea of how far apart you live, but you obviously have to drive quite a ways to get there.

Have you sat down in a comfy chair with your own couch quilt over you and actually think of how this situation came about? And how much do you actually owe them?

Take care of yourself, you need your own health and mental health. I don't know if you are with a DH now or are alone, but do take care of you.

My Grandma used to say that people will walk all over you if you lie down and let them.

nativetexan

I would have just told her OK, i get it. thanks for the concern. now let's shop!

Prism99

I would tell her it's a form of therapy, and a lot cheaper than a counseling session!

Psychomomquilter

Kpatt, I am a widow, I am on s/s which is a fixed income,

again thanks ladies for the feed back! really needed this today!

Psychomomquilter

sewmuchmore, I did ask her and she said no, about learning to quilt, but she does crochet when she feels like it that is.

Thanks Ramona, I live 1 1/2 hr from her. and you are so right about letting people walk all over me(especially them)

yes this therapy is very good indeed, not paying 150.00 an hour for it.... also obligation, guilt maybe?