Gwyn

Well, here is the problem. It was difficult when Randy went to the hospital. Hard to hear he had cancer. Seemed impossible he would die. Too real when it happened. Systematic to plan the memorial service. Hazy to live through the funeral. Relief for it to all be over.

So, how do you get your life started again? When did I lose my ability to think and make decisions. I don't really feel hungry, but once I start I don't ever seem to get full. And to make matters worse thinking he is here or just gone to the store or taking the boys to school, keeps popping into my head. How on earth do you gracefully move into the daily living without your partner? I need some help. Gwyn

Lneal

Give yourself time, that is what heals the broken heart. You have every right to feel overwhelmed now. Take one day at a time. Know you have lots of friends here, even tho we can't take away the pain.

Maggiesmom

I can't begin to advise except to say, please do not fall into the trap of not going out of the house or not getting up and dressed each day. Plan something to do each day and follow through on it. If you don't belong to a quilt guild, join one. If not a guild, visit your local quilt shop. You will I'm certain find others faced with the same feelings. Don't be afraid to make new friends and fill your days as much as possible. It is natural to have this sense of loss and it will take some time to adjust. You need to keep in touch with this board. We will be here for you too.

amandasgramma

Gwyn - I'm so sorry to hear of this. I wrote you when I first heard. When my DH died in 2001 I was 51. It IS hard. I couldn't paint, do stained glass, crochet or anything for the longest time. My DH had been sick for 2 yrs and I stayed home and nursed him for 6 months. When he died I felt lost.....didn't know what to do with myself. I'd spent so much time having doctors, nurses, DH telling me what I had to do, that I couldn't think straight afterwards. A friend insisted about 5 months after he died that I go to a hospice counseling group. Man, did I ever fight that. But, I went and it was the best thing for me. Yes, I cried almost all the way thru the first meeting....but then, so did others. And we all hugged...and that felt so good. Eventually, I started seeing that life DOES go on (even though I times I didn't want it to).....eventually, I got brave and put my name on Match.com!!!!! Yes, I DID meet a special, wonderful man....we got married in 2005 and I can tell you...life DOES get better!!!! Hang in there, sweetie, we're here for you....

littlehud

My heart is breaking for you. It took me a year to feel normal after my mom was gone and took my dad at least as long. Just keep doing all those normal things you always did and keep in contact with your friends and family. I wish I was there to hug you.

pocoellie

It's rough, losing your partner. It will be rough, but as long as you have friends and people that care, you'll make it though. It all takes time. I was a widow at 22, with a 17 month old son. If you need a shoulder to cry on or to talk, just let us know.

cjomomma

Oh Gwyn I am so sorry for your loss and that you are having a hard time. The only thing I can suggest is that you take things one day at a time. It may not be easy right now but you will gain your ability to live again. It's not easy to lose a loved one but as time goes by it will get better. Sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by your boot straps and get moving. It has been 20 plus years sense my Grandpa died and I still cry over him. Just don't lose those memories.
I do hope you get to feeling better.
Carrie

Lynn Luker

Gwyn, your post has brought tears to my eyes, and memories flooding back. My husband suddenly died...my goodness, it's been nearly 18 years now. It was so very, very hard at first. I didn't think I would survive, and most days, didn't want to. My daughters were both in high school and I had 3 foster babies to care for. That kept me going during the first months when I think I was in shock.(you are right, you think they have just gone out for awhile.) My advice would be to find a grief support group. It took me a couple years, and I think if I had reached out sooner it would have been better. I will pray for you, and be happy to listen if you want to send me an email or PM.
There is life ahead. There are some wonderful people on this board who will support you too.

JoanneS

Please keep talking to us here, and we'll keep answering. I think the wisest advice so far was to join a support group. When I had breast cancer, the best thing I did was to join a BC support group, and 2 years later I count the women in the support groups (1 in AZ and 1 in CT) as great friends and the ones who got me through that very difficult time.

earthwalker

Gwyn, you need to give yourself time, McQuilter and Amandasgramma have some excellent advice. Unless it is imperative, do not make any life-changing or major financial decisions until you are ready, most grief counsellors say wait at least 12 months after the bereavement. Remember to take care of yourself, eat regular, healthy meals and try to get out of the house for at least 30 mins each day, even if it's just a walk around the block. If you feel very overwhelmed, please seek medical help. I am sorry you are feeling so unhappy and send you lots of love, light and peace from the land of Aus.