np3

I raised two daughters, six years apart. I let the first one do things because I trusted her and didn't want her to hide things from me. She was killed in a car accident at the age of 18. My second daughter lived by my rules, temper or not. She finished college, bought her own house by the age of 23, got married to a great man and has blessed me with two beautiful grandchildren. She is very strict with her children. The answer would be NO in our house.

PSI

You know, I have to say that I agree with both sides: those who would protect their daughter from the co-ed party and those who would be willing to host one. There's nothing wrong with being a parent that will allow boys and girls to have an all-night party, so long as rules are clearly established and you're willing to supervise the entire time. That said, I think it would be silly to be offended if a parent refused to let their daughter come. They probably don't know you very well, and they probably don't know the BOYS very well. They have the right to be concerned and protective.

My answer to this problem would probably be to tell my daughter NO, she can't go to a co-ed party when I don't know everyone involved. But then I would offer to let her throw her own co-ed party at my house, under my strict supervision. I attended a few such events as a kid, only ten years ago, and nothing immoral happened at any of them. But that doesn't mean I trust the neighbor kids as far as I can throw them...

np3

I could agree with that plan.

Tally Kathy

Pay attention to those little hairs on the back of your neck.

lab fairy

You know I trusted my daughter implicitly. It was everyone else I didn't trust. We raise our children with our expectations and most will live up to them. If you don't know all the teens (not kids anymore) well and feel comfortable then go with your gut.

I have read all comments and realize once again how lucky I've been. My child knew about boys, bees, and pollination (sounded better than just blurting out reproduction) since she was about 7. We spent many days discussing why it was so sad that many young girls seem to think that they had to allow liberties with their body to have people like them. She's got a very healthy self-esteem. She would call me to pick her whole group of friends up (male and female) from places they decided wasn't confortable.

You might let her start out at the party and give her a late cerfew and pick her up. Plan something important for the next day that she can't miss if she needs an excuse to save face. Offer to bring the LATE snacks, etc.

Millstream Mom

Go with your gut instinct! Mine is to say 'Sorry, No. I'm not comfortable with this' and offer a compromise.

You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube! So I guess my thought on the matter is why invite trouble?

dljennings

not a snowball's chance in hell i would let my dd spend the night with her boyfriend @ 17...

my mother let us do pretty much whatever we wanted..not that she didn't care, but just didn't think deviously like we girls did... did i mention that i had the first baby when i was 18...

part of raising goo kids is letting them suffer the consequences of their mistakes... but when it can be a hugely life altering mistake, like a pregnancy or fatal std, you have to step in and be the parent...

i told all 5 kids, i'm not interested in being your "best friend" i am your mother... i also told them that when they were 30 or so, then we can be friends.

Lady Shivesa

I'm not a mom, but it wasn't so long ago that I was the 17 year old girl wanting to do something her mom didn't approve of (I would have never thought of sleeping over with a boy though, lol).

When I was that age I had my fair share of arguments with my parents. They didn't want me hanging out with so-and-so, or going to such-and-such a place/party. Did it make me mad at the time? Heck yes.

But now, at age 21, I look back and laugh at myself. I see the wisdom in their decisions and honestly rue the way I treated them. Hopefully your daughter will be able to look back in a few years and feel the same way - and she, like I, will feel thankful that you were strong enough to say no.

My only advice is do it in a gentle way. Try not to get angry with her. A gentle, but firm response, in my admittedly inexperienced opinion, is the best way. Best of luck to you,...I'm dreading the day I get 'paid back' for all the crap I put my parents through!!

Butterfli19

I haven't read the 10 pages of comments to this so as a single mother of two kids now 23 and 18, I will offer this:

You know your daughter and her friends. Contrary to those of you who think you know otherwise when a group of kids get together it isn't necessarily to have an orgy. Most kids are smart and careful. She's 17, not 12. She will be on her own soon and needs to make her own decisions. She obviously trusts you and respects you enough to tell the complete story.

I say let her go. You can tell her how you feel and how you will be concerned but the decision is hers. Let her know you trust her and she will do the right thing whether you are involved or not.
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An aside: Being a parent isn't about controlling your children or teens with "my house, my rules" or "my way or the highway," or comparing your teen years with theirs. It's about treating them with respect and supporting them, not judging them. This is their life, not yours.

ggreenridley

I am old fashion but I believe parents must be present and keeping an eye on activities.