Mom's with daughters I need your advice again....You will love this one
10-23-2010, 02:10 PM
#141
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Brewerton, NY
Posts: 2,489
Maybe I'm old fashioned as well, but no daughter, or son of mine would be able to spend the night. My kids are grown now, and they hated me a lot when they were growing up, but they turned out great. I think in today's society, so many parents are to liberal. I think that's why we have so many problems with the kids. Good old fashioned spankings, and every kid should hear NO, I million times in there life. So my vote it no. And I think she'll be better off for it.
10-23-2010, 02:13 PM
#142
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: DFW
Posts: 4
But, Butterfli, at what point does their life become their total responsibility? As kids grow we do have to loosen the reins and be there to support them when they screw up, but you don't have to let the horse go free all at once. Sometimes it really SHOULD be "my house, my rules." A seventeen-year-old is almost an adult. But "almost" is the operative word, and there are still times where you have to lay down the law because they are not quite emotionally mature enough to be responsible for certain decisions. Heck, their frontal lobes aren't even fully developed, yet. And when you consider that the frontal lobe is responsible for making logical decisions, that should give you pause.
10-23-2010, 03:09 PM
#145
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Headed home
Posts: 2,372
I haven't read all of this, and I have two girls - 25 & 19 - each of whom would respond differently to your question. My gut reaction is, 'No, you do not have my permission to do this.'
It becomes a balancing act to treat the teens with respect, and get the respect they should be giving you. I'll be thinking of you as you deal with this. Remember, you are her mom, not her friend.
It becomes a balancing act to treat the teens with respect, and get the respect they should be giving you. I'll be thinking of you as you deal with this. Remember, you are her mom, not her friend.
10-23-2010, 03:19 PM
#146
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: middle of the Ozarks
Posts: 434
Originally Posted by Butterfli19
I haven't read the 10 pages of comments to this so as a single mother of two kids now 23 and 18, I will offer this:
You know your daughter and her friends. Contrary to those of you who think you know otherwise when a group of kids get together it isn't necessarily to have an orgy. Most kids are smart and careful. She's 17, not 12. She will be on her own soon and needs to make her own decisions. She obviously trusts you and respects you enough to tell the complete story.
I say let her go. You can tell her how you feel and how you will be concerned but the decision is hers. Let her know you trust her and she will do the right thing whether you are involved or not.
***
An aside: Being a parent isn't about controlling your children or teens with "my house, my rules" or "my way or the highway," or comparing your teen years with theirs. It's about treating them with respect and supporting them, not judging them. This is their life, not yours.
You know your daughter and her friends. Contrary to those of you who think you know otherwise when a group of kids get together it isn't necessarily to have an orgy. Most kids are smart and careful. She's 17, not 12. She will be on her own soon and needs to make her own decisions. She obviously trusts you and respects you enough to tell the complete story.
I say let her go. You can tell her how you feel and how you will be concerned but the decision is hers. Let her know you trust her and she will do the right thing whether you are involved or not.
***
An aside: Being a parent isn't about controlling your children or teens with "my house, my rules" or "my way or the highway," or comparing your teen years with theirs. It's about treating them with respect and supporting them, not judging them. This is their life, not yours.
10-23-2010, 03:36 PM
#147
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,281
Jade, listen to that inner voice. Your gut reaction tells you a lot more than you're listening to. A good answer to "EVERYBODY is doing it!" is "I've never met Everybody's mother yet, and I'm sure she's a lovely lady, but the answer is still NO!" I'm sorry if I sound old-fashioned (I confess, I am), but girls and boys do not need to be spending the night together. You've got to take a stand somewhere, or anything you say from now on will be up for argument. Don't be afraid to make this decision. That is your right and responsibility as a parent. If God had thought kids didn't need parents, He'd have made them spring forth full grown, like Athena, from Zeus' head. And remember, in spite of what she'll tell you, the more things change, the more they stay the same. <G> End of sermon.
10-23-2010, 04:25 PM
#148
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 261
i went to 'sleep overs' where there were boys when i was younger. my parents allowed it. from my own personal experiences i wouldn't let your daughter go. not a lot of sleep going on. and yeah, i had my first kid when i was 17 because my parents let me do whatever i wanted and so i did. not a good idea and yes, at 17 i think every girl should be on birthcontrol because you never know when 'it' will happen for them and it's best to take precautions. preferable something easier than the pill, like nova ring or the needles because the pill is not as effective and easier to miss a dose. good luck and no, you are not over reacting. my daughter(the one i had at 17) never had much of a father and is going into her teen years now. she will certainly not be attending any co-ed sleepover parties.
10-23-2010, 04:46 PM
#149
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Galveston Texas
Posts: 1,596
Originally Posted by Mamagus
I have a 25 year old daughter ...
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
By all means call the parents and check out where the boys are sleeping... but unless you're going to supervise her, you have to give her "The Talk" and hope for the best.
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
By all means call the parents and check out where the boys are sleeping... but unless you're going to supervise her, you have to give her "The Talk" and hope for the best.
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
If she has shown she can be responsible, you have given her the talk about the risks, and peer pressure, you have done your best.
That does not exclude talking to the parents at the home where this sleepover will be and being assured that they will be there and present to oversee.
I agree that if you just tell her "no" without checking, she will not ask ot tell you next time. If you don't feel comfortable with what you find out, then you can say , no, with back up.
Some (not all) of the worst kids are the ones that are not allowed to do anything. When they do get loose, they go wild.
10-23-2010, 05:16 PM
#150
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by MadQuilter
Originally Posted by Jannie
Any parent who would let their daughter or son have a mixed slumber party is crazy.
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