My DH hurt my feelings.
06-22-2010, 06:08 AM
#11
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Michigan U.P.
Posts: 963
I know just how you feel. It does no good to tell yourself you overreacted, because when something hurts your feelings, it hurts your feelings! And your feelings are just that, feelings. My husband can hurt my feelings faster than anyone else because he is just very insensitive. He "supports" my quilting (and reminds me of this) because he will take me to quilt shops, help me pick out fabrics, buys me quilting books, even bought me a Juki 98Q. But I just don't get rave reviews of my work and he'll make little remarks about all my fabric or all my UFOs. He always notices things I don't do instead of things I do. For instance, last week, I spent several hours working in the front yard. I planted impatients along the front walk, weeded and mulched a bed in front of the porch and put down new mulch around the impatients I planted the week before. It looked so nice, but I still had half a flat of impatients not planted when I had to quit and get ready to go somewhere. When he came home (he walked right up the front walk to the front door) I asked, "Did you see what I did today?" He said, "I saw plants still not planted." Not one word of praise for all that I did do!! And that is very typical. Grrrrrr Men!!
06-22-2010, 06:13 AM
#12
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
Lots of good advice and I have just a little here- feel the hurt and then let it go and move on. That type of behavior is HIS problem, not yours. Sounds like he has a major attitude.
People don't have to "get it" to appreciate someone's expression of love or joy.
HUGS
People don't have to "get it" to appreciate someone's expression of love or joy.
HUGS
06-22-2010, 06:17 AM
#13
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: La Pine Oregon, USA
Posts: 5,907
I'm sorry he made you feel that way. Did you TELL him that his response hurt your feelings? I've found it's VERY important to TELL them what you're feeling. People aren't mind readers.....he may have meant it as a joke, and didn't realize how it came out. For the sake of your marriage, sit down with him and let him know how much that hurt. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
06-22-2010, 06:21 AM
#14
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 12,861
it sounds to me like you were maybe having a (fragile moment) it really didn't sound malicious to me...just a guy comment; i wouldn't take it so personal...put it aside, put your anger aside (all that is doing is keeping your own nerves in knots, not his) and move on. i kind of started to take it personal with the doll quilts when the first 2 i made my dh veto'd...said they looked like placemats...it really upset me...but then i just figured, well, he's not a quilter...what does he know anyway ;)
he is my biggest critic though and has even told me before...you can not let that go, you need to fix that...
no sense taking it personal...off the hand remarks usually are just that...not a slam, like we make it ourselves sometimes
he is my biggest critic though and has even told me before...you can not let that go, you need to fix that...
no sense taking it personal...off the hand remarks usually are just that...not a slam, like we make it ourselves sometimes
06-22-2010, 06:31 AM
#15
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 20,306
When you can approach Hubby calmly sit down and talk to him. I don't mind being called a crazy quilting person( I admit it I can be crazy about it ! LOL), but I get the impression you don't like this person and that is where the true insult was.
Save the man quilt for when you are feeling better :wink:
Save the man quilt for when you are feeling better :wink:
06-22-2010, 06:39 AM
#16
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,106
I'm sure that he loves you very much and that he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. And sometimes when men screw up, they don't like to admit it. (((hugs))) This too shall pass. And we LOVE your quilts! :)
06-22-2010, 06:49 AM
#18
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MN
Posts: 24,522
((hugs))
It's okay to have hurt feelings.
It's not okay to nurse them for the next 20 years. It's a major waste of time and energy.
Without knowing your man's overall behavior towards you, I don't feel I can make any further comments on that.
I know my DH (D does not always stand for "dear") can sometimes act like a thoughtless moron, but overall, he's a keeper.
It's okay to have hurt feelings.
It's not okay to nurse them for the next 20 years. It's a major waste of time and energy.
Without knowing your man's overall behavior towards you, I don't feel I can make any further comments on that.
I know my DH (D does not always stand for "dear") can sometimes act like a thoughtless moron, but overall, he's a keeper.
06-22-2010, 07:00 AM
#19
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: England
Posts: 2,365
Originally Posted by erstan947
I learned a long time ago (married 45 year to same man) that it is not his job to make me happy. It is my job to make me happy. I envy the women whose husband enjoys the quilting world as much as the wife does. At my house not so. I do my thing and share with those who really appreciate it. I am happy!
HOW TRUE!!
06-22-2010, 07:14 AM
#20
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Murray, Ky. Looking for a nice cushy pillow to rest my head on!
Posts: 14,022
Thank you to all of you. Usually when DH is joking he will say so but he was serious. The lady that he compared me too is someone I like and would like to be friends but she has multiple personalities so I don't hang out with her. I'm not an emotional woman but this hit a nerve with me. Sure I am a crazy quilting lady, I love it just like he loves fishing and sports but I don't criticise him for that. Oh well I just won't talk to him about my hobbies anymore, especially the quilting.
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