It's good to read this thread....
I'm dealing with my Aunt and Uncle between bad health and dementia on his part and just poor health on hers...I'm trying to get them to agree to a caregiver...not a week goes by without a problem at their house...I have had a cleaning lady coming in once a month for almost a year, and that has really helped...but...they need someone there for at least 4-6 hours a day. I have a feeling that I'm going to have to get a bit nasty and insist.

My parents died when I was in my 20's and DH's parents died when he was young. We don't have any close elderly relatives but many of our friends have parents they are now responsible to take care of. I know how much their lifestyle has changed even with outside help. I admire them.

We moved my Mom in with us in 1991. I am so glad we did. We had a wonderful 16 years with her. Laughs, tears, and memories I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world. She passed away in 2007 and we still miss her. I have no regrets.

I had my mother living with us for 15 years before she passed away in 04 she was 84.The one thing i wished is that i spent more time just setting down and talking to her.I had to work so it was a little hard at times,but if i had it to do over i would had let small things that i thought was important go for a while.I really miss her and our talks.

My mom lived with us for 3 years before she went home to be with the Lord. It was the same kind of situation as yours. There were some difficult times, but I would trade everything if I could have a little more time with her. God bless you for your love, devotion and dedication to your mom, I don't think you'll regret it.

Just a word from the other side. I am 64 and in good health but I dread the day I won't be able to live independently. More than anything I don't want to be a burden to my children. Bless you all for welcoming your elders into your life and into your home, and most of all, thinking of it as a blessing.

I lost my 87 year old FIL one month ago. He was a sweetie til the end. His wife passed away 3 years ago and he started to deteriorate from that point on. His 4 sons lived within a mile of him and were his caregivers. They were wonderful. One of his sons was with him evey minute. The 4 sons took 24 hour shifts and did the cooking, cleaning, dr. appt...... They kept him at home because that was his wish and also theirs. Hospice came for his last few weeks of life, but his 4 sons were with him then too. We were so blessed to have him so many years and miss him greatly.

Janice and all of the rest of you that are or have taken care of your elderly parents, I highly commend you for all of your efforts. It is hard being a parent to you parents. We had my mother living with us for about 8 months before she got too hard to have in our home. She was a dialysis patient and I took her 3 times a week to her appointments, a half day at least at a time. She was from Michigan and missed her friends up there, living down here in Indiana. Maybe that was why she was so hard on our last child at home, a middle school student. Our daughter, a great student, a very polite young lady, couldn't do anything right in Mom's eyes. She made it very hard on our daughter and we, along with my 2 brothers decided to move her back to a private home that was a nursing home for just a few patients just outside her town. She was much happier up there and could have her friends come and visit her. I didn't realize how much pressure I was under until we all made that decision. I'm writing this to let you all know that it doesn't always work out having a parent living in your home and that it is OK to make other arrangements when it doesn't. God bless you all.
Janis

I had my mother live with us for 15yrs after my father died, she wished everyday that it had been her. I have 4 other siblings that would not help at all. 4 months ago due to economic downturn had to downsize and take my mother to brothers. I miss her so much even with the frustrating things she did. He won't speak to me now because of this, expected me to still pay for everything and won't let me know if she is still with him or if he forced her into a nursing home. They live 100 miles away. Cherish this time because it is gone sooner than you know.

My mother is 95 years old and she has all of her marbles. Thank God for that! She has trouble walking and getting around, but she still does her own cooking, bathing, dressing, cleaning up the house if necessary, lives in her own home. We are slowly weeding out what is necessary and what is not - that is done by my two sisters and I. I don't think my mother would ever want to live with any of us. Stubborn German, that she is! My way or the highway! Don't do as I do, do as I say!" But every piece of quilting I have ever done has to go before the "BOARD" before it goes out!!!!!! I just finished a pinwheel and she even called me up and told me to make another one only bigger! My mother is a fantastic quilter. She can't quilt or sew anymore because of back problems, but my sisters and I do what she can't do in the house and she has people who clean the house for her twice a month. Not in the winter, but in the Spring, Summer and Fall she drives to church and to the cemetery to visit Dad!!! She is a charmer! A little old German broad, who I love dearly. She wouldn't live with me if her house burned down!!!!!! Point being - they have their lives too! If Mom can live at home and do her thing, watch some tv, read some good books, talk on the phone, have visitors and cook fantastic meals, she can stay at home! She prays a lot too!!!!! She is, all by herself, saving this whole world from everything!!!!! God Bless the Mom! Edie