I guess it really depends on the family and what their stated need is, remembering that the need can change as time goes on. Friends had a fire in their house which is now being renovated. When asked what, if anything, they need, they say "nothing yet." I guess moral support is what they really need. Someone to ask how they're doing and maybe invite them to dinner now and then?

Candles tend to scare me for danger of fire. Consider the landscaping lights that are solar powered. Some put out a tremendous amount of light, are flame-free and recharge themselves every day! Put them outside in the daytime and bring them back in when it's getting dark.

Wow, good question. I feel bad about things given that are later thrown away. So sad. But, for many situations, there is a lag time between the disaster and getting into a new housing situation. Our natural inclination is quilts, of course, but if you don't have a bed or a place to store a quilt until you Do have a bed, is it really a comfort? Depends on the nature of the disaster.

And not everyone wants a quilt even in the best of times

Depending on the scale and location of the disaster, I'd tailor my donation. For a natural disaster, I trust a certain organization to handle finances with integrity and wisdom based on their vast experience . If I know, or know of, a certain individual who is near the disaster and personally asking for specific kinds of donations to help, I will send what I can. Blankets to a dialysis center in FL were wanted. Toiletries after Katrina I coordinated the making and sending of 259 drawstring bags made by sewists all over the world. We filled them with toiletries to a minister my parents knew in TX. He handed them out as we mailed them, and that went on for 5 months. One family in our school suffered a house fire and people signed up to take meals to their grandmother's house where they had relocated to. I filled a small basket with snacks for the kids' lunches so the mom just had to make the sandwich and not worry about the "extras" . She said it was very helpful to have a "grab and go" basket of snacks for the month immediately following the fire (her husband was battling cancer during this time, too, so he was too weak to work or shop).

Lots of good suggestions so far, and that truly heartbreaking story from Crispy-Frog! It seems to me you were a victim of that disaster, too, and what a sad, neglected loss. I think there's a lesson in that, and I won't donate quilts except through an organization like Project Linus or a guild that has an actual plan for things being used properly.

I thought of one other helpful thing: A lot of times families are driven out of their homes and there are organizations that can help the people, but their pets are a problem. Offering to foster a dog, cat, bird or whatever until they can get back to normal routines might be much appreciated, and might keep the animal from being left to an uncertain fate in a shelter.

There was a terrible fire in Northern Alberta a few years ago. 90,000 people were evacuated and many homes lost. Although donations off all sorts came, it was a huge challenge to warehouse and distribute things to families who were spread over many towns and cities. Cash allowed relief agencies, Churches etc, so purchase food, water, cots or at least foamies for the floors of gyms, community centres and other places.

Many donations of clothes, arrived, but it was a distribution nightmare.

When wildfires caused a large evacuation in BC, the SPCA requested pet crates, food, leashes, bowls etc and local SPCA's around the province collected the donations and they were put the good use at the animal relief centre.

I am lucky to have not faced such losses, but I think it is unreasonable to ask a person what they need when they have just lost everything. They both need everything, but also truly are not in the head space to know what they need immediately