My MIL was quite a character, bless her. Here are some of her favorites:
"Hold er Newt, she's a rare'n"
For every pregnant woman she saw she would say, "it looks like someone poked some fun at her and she took him seriously"
"She looks as though she has been rode hard and put up wet."

"Piffle diffle" was one of my favorites-I still use it.

Have heard so many of these... Takes me back years and years.

Mom (when her sciatica was bothering her):
"Ooh! I got a hitch in my get-a-long"

When her constitution was amuck
"Get out of the way, I have the hurry-ups"
Dad after spicy food, would say: "I've got the come on ice-creams"

DH's mom would threaten: "Knock it off or I'm gonna pinch off your head and spit in the hole" - I was afraid of her for the longest time.

Well, ya can't take it with ya
Cleanliness is next to Godliness
Better than getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick
If he was any closer, it would have bit him
He's three cans short of a six pack
Buy ya books, send ya to school and all ya do is eat the books
Time's a waistin
Well, can't dance and it's too late to plow
Hair of the dog (morning after a hangover drink)
Just for sh*ts and giggles
What's that sh*t eatin grin about?
She's a little P*ss ant.
She's dumber than a doorknob (or doughnut)
Want a little cracker with that wine
I may be used - but I aint used up

Gotta tell ya a little story:
Mom had six kids in the 50's. Three boys then three girls in that order. She used to put us all in the station wagon to pick up dad from work (every day). One of us would smart off and she would give you the evil eye in the rear view mirror. I don't know if other moms could do this, but she could look in the mirror, reach down, take off her flip flop, fling it over her shoulder (with just a simple flick) and hit which ever of us was the offender right square in the mouth. The woman had eyes in the back of her head. (I remember when I was small - looking for them under her ponytail).

DH Used to say "Urban cowboys put their names on their belts, so that when they get their head out of their *ss they would remember who they were."

Thanks for the memories.

MY Darling Grandmother ,, once i said a cuss word in front of her { oh s**t } she said I wouldn't hold in my hand, what you just had in your mouth. I to miss them all.

That is so funny.

Yes, she said that too! And that was as close as she came to cursing.

A new one we use now comes from my grandson. When he was two and I was in the kitchen and called into the living room to ask what he was doing he said "I'm lie downing".

Very good advice and I agree 100%.

My Mom used to tell my 5 brothers when they were frowning over being told they couldn't have or do something they wanted, "If you keep making that face it is going to freeze that way." I don't know if they believed her, but it usually worked. I don't recall her ever saying that to me, but of course I WAS a perfect child. LOL

I remember almost ALL of these. This is a long one that I remember my mom saying to me (wonder why).

"There is a little bit of good in the worst of us and a little bit of bad in the best of us so it behooves none of us to talk about the rest of us."

"Getting old isn't for sissy's"
"The dimmest lamp in the room."
"He's a penny short of a dime."
"Life is good. Don't mess with it!"
"If I die today - I die a happy man."
"See a penny, pick it up you'll have good luck. See a penny let it lay and you'll have a bad day!"
"Go West young man." (Get out of my face.)
"A man gave a dollar of all he had and a woman gave a dime and it was all she had."

This was fun :o).