Question for anyone who has had a kid turn 18...
#111
Our DS & older DD were terrors from early childhood. Our DS got better for a time, then married & since we had to move to FL for health reasons he has only called about 6 times in 12 yrs. We keep hoping he'll realize...almost 40! The older DD came around about 21 & youngest (daughter) never gave us trouble & said she wanted to raise her kids just like I raised her. What a blessing she is!!
#112
when my son went off to college, they kept telling him he was an adult. mind you, they expected me to pay his tuition and fees, but he was convinced he was an adult.
our first discussion of that subject went like this"
I'm an adult.
No, you are not. You are old enough to vote. You are old enough to go to war. And you are old enough to go to prison with the big boys. But you are not an adult.
When will I be an adult?
I'll let you know.
****Flash forward to a few days before his 20th birthday ****
You look unhappy. It's nearly your birthday. You should be excited.
I'm going to be 20.
What's so bad about that?
I'm going to be adult.
Yes ... I agree. I thought that's what you wanted.
Heck no! Too many obligations and responsibilities. It's gonna be a pain in the [sometimes it's the only word that fits.]
:lol: :lol: :lol:
our first discussion of that subject went like this"
I'm an adult.
No, you are not. You are old enough to vote. You are old enough to go to war. And you are old enough to go to prison with the big boys. But you are not an adult.
When will I be an adult?
I'll let you know.
****Flash forward to a few days before his 20th birthday ****
You look unhappy. It's nearly your birthday. You should be excited.
I'm going to be 20.
What's so bad about that?
I'm going to be adult.
Yes ... I agree. I thought that's what you wanted.
Heck no! Too many obligations and responsibilities. It's gonna be a pain in the [sometimes it's the only word that fits.]
:lol: :lol: :lol:
#114
Actually, when mine turned 18, he minded me a little better. Probably because I told him he would listen to what I said, or he would find another place to live, and pay his own bills. He started giving me money to help with the groceries and internet service. Yeah, I feel pretty lucky.
#115
I have 2 sons, oldest just turned 31is an irresponsible jack@$$. I am raising his son and have a dog he abandoned locked to a log chain. He called yest to check on the dog...
Youngest just lost his house last fall. Separated from his wife and moved back into my DGS room (his old room) and I now "have the privilege" of watching his child while he works. NO offer of pay because I am raising the other one. He now has a job that he is working 6 =10-12 hr shifts and he started fussing at me about his laundry not being taken out of the washer and dried. I quickly informed him I was not his maid nor his wife and my house was not a free hotel. If he does not like it here he can move out anytime. I also gave him fliers of day cares and told him he had better be checking them out that as soon as the weather got warmer I was going to be Unavailable. He is making money hand over fist and is blowing every penny. Brings home food and hoards it but feels free to raid anything I have in the fridge or pantry. As long as he was needing something he was sweet and helpful now he is just a jerk. Both have gotten above their raising and need to come down a few pegs. They are definitely part of the I deserve so It should be given to me crowd. SIGH...
Youngest just lost his house last fall. Separated from his wife and moved back into my DGS room (his old room) and I now "have the privilege" of watching his child while he works. NO offer of pay because I am raising the other one. He now has a job that he is working 6 =10-12 hr shifts and he started fussing at me about his laundry not being taken out of the washer and dried. I quickly informed him I was not his maid nor his wife and my house was not a free hotel. If he does not like it here he can move out anytime. I also gave him fliers of day cares and told him he had better be checking them out that as soon as the weather got warmer I was going to be Unavailable. He is making money hand over fist and is blowing every penny. Brings home food and hoards it but feels free to raid anything I have in the fridge or pantry. As long as he was needing something he was sweet and helpful now he is just a jerk. Both have gotten above their raising and need to come down a few pegs. They are definitely part of the I deserve so It should be given to me crowd. SIGH...
#116
I learned my DD was growing up ,when one day after she had been out on her own for a little bit, she said with awe in her voice."I didn't know toilet paper cost so much Mom" Hang in there hon.
#117
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio... wanna build a cabin in the woods and live off the land... and quilt all day!
Posts: 990
Originally Posted by lalaland
My 18 year old copped an attitude with me on the day he turned 18 over writing thank you notes for gifts of money he'd received - I believe he said something like "you can't tell me what to do anymore". So I got right up in his face and pretty much told him there's the door. Fortunately we'd raised him to take us pretty much seriously so he settled down pretty quickly. So just hang in there and be consistent.
We see a lot of the 18-itis at the high school I work at, "I'm 18, I can leave if I want to, you can't tell me what to do." Our typical response is oh, you live on your own, you support yourself, feed yourself, pay your cell phone bill yourself, make a car payment, pay for gas, insurance, etc.
We see a lot of the 18-itis at the high school I work at, "I'm 18, I can leave if I want to, you can't tell me what to do." Our typical response is oh, you live on your own, you support yourself, feed yourself, pay your cell phone bill yourself, make a car payment, pay for gas, insurance, etc.
Dad told her he'd help her pack her stuff (that got her attention, but a week later she was throwing a hissy fit again because "my friends don't have chored, you guys are just mean") ... dad offered to help pack her stuff again, and wait on the porch until someone arrived to pick her and the bags up. She had something to prove to the world that we were "meanies" and figured it would hurt us if she did move out... so what do we find the next day? All my gardening tools thrown in the outside trash on top of a pile of dog poo, our golden retreiver cowering under a table in the basement, 11 of my collectible sculptures (the ones her dad gave me for anniversaries and gifts) stolen, and a couple months later we found out that $600 was missing, and we had not had anyone over that could have taken it. Sad.
She got married this last summer, and she has turned into such a vain shallow person, it is really disheartening. She has told her hubby's family nothing but lies about us, she's still out to hurt us. So at the wedding, we "were just ourselves", had a great time, had wonderful conversation with other couples / family, and now "his family" is really wondering what is going on, because we're nothing like she said we were for the last 5 years. We're still hoping she'll wake up soon. She's 25 now, and her whole life revolves around face-value, not true deeper persona. Family is not important to her.
Son who's 22 has pulled his head outta wherever it was, tho, and has his act together... although he had children too early, he is USMC and is getting his life in order completely. yay. BOYS ARE EASIER!!!
Other two are 11.5 & 13 ... at least we've been thru this before, so it won't be as much of a shock to hubby/my system raising teens again :)
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08-27-2011 05:21 PM