She's still searching for adopted daughter
09-22-2011, 08:29 PM
#11
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas Gulf Coast
Posts: 1,463
"the social worker promised that it would go with the baby"
I hope this was true. Our children are adopted. In 1979 our son had nothing with him. Even the clothes he was wearing had to be changed for the clothes we brought to take him home. I've been trying to get more specific information about his birth family since he was 3 years old and have been unable to. At age 32 he says he has no interest in searching. I'm not sure he knows that for sure, but he will not allow me to help him search.
In 1982 we adopted our daughter. She was wearing the clothes her birth mother bought for when she left the hospital - for a foster home until papers could be finalized for us to have her. We were allowed to keep that outfit - our daughter is ... a girl ... the birth mom expected a boy and the outfit was definately that! We still have it if she chooses to have her next baby wear it. Things had changed SO much in just the 3 years between our kids' arrivals. Everything was "hush-hush" in 79 and was much more open in 82. Even the paperwork involved allowed so much more information sharing.
This is tricky stuff. So much is involved that can't be imagined by those who have not been involved in reunions. Times have changed so much, too. From my grandmother's adoption back around 1910, to my children in 79 and 82, to today's climate - so much has changed.
As mentioned, our son has no contact and in this mother's opinion - needs it badly to resolve some issues in his life.
Our daughter had a picture of her birthmom in her room all her life and met her when she was 17. Daughter is now 29 and it surprises me that no relationship has developed between the two. Just seeing and knowing seems to have been enough - for both of them. They could easily email each other - but don't except for about every year or so.
I hope this was true. Our children are adopted. In 1979 our son had nothing with him. Even the clothes he was wearing had to be changed for the clothes we brought to take him home. I've been trying to get more specific information about his birth family since he was 3 years old and have been unable to. At age 32 he says he has no interest in searching. I'm not sure he knows that for sure, but he will not allow me to help him search.
In 1982 we adopted our daughter. She was wearing the clothes her birth mother bought for when she left the hospital - for a foster home until papers could be finalized for us to have her. We were allowed to keep that outfit - our daughter is ... a girl ... the birth mom expected a boy and the outfit was definately that! We still have it if she chooses to have her next baby wear it. Things had changed SO much in just the 3 years between our kids' arrivals. Everything was "hush-hush" in 79 and was much more open in 82. Even the paperwork involved allowed so much more information sharing.
This is tricky stuff. So much is involved that can't be imagined by those who have not been involved in reunions. Times have changed so much, too. From my grandmother's adoption back around 1910, to my children in 79 and 82, to today's climate - so much has changed.
As mentioned, our son has no contact and in this mother's opinion - needs it badly to resolve some issues in his life.
Our daughter had a picture of her birthmom in her room all her life and met her when she was 17. Daughter is now 29 and it surprises me that no relationship has developed between the two. Just seeing and knowing seems to have been enough - for both of them. They could easily email each other - but don't except for about every year or so.
09-23-2011, 06:18 AM
#12
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,521
Maybe you can get someone at the library to scan the story and quilt photo and send it here. It would be wonderful if that could happen and it would broaden the search for her DD.
I have a niece and nephew who were adopted, they are brother and sister. After my SIL passed away her son searched and made contact with is birth mother and her two daughters. He found out that his birth mother had tried to contact him ever since he turned 18 but his adopted mother refused to let it happen. He's glad he met his birth mother but hasn't developed a close relationship with her, he has become close with his half sisters who live out West and has visited them several times.
His sister has no interest in finding her birth mother. In fact, her brother said she's very angry about being adopted. Never did find out what she's angry about as she knew from an early age she was adopted. Maybe because she thinks her birth mother gave her away? It's difficult for young people of today to understand what the mores were back 40, 50 years ago - there was no place for pregnant unwed girls to go, hardly any support from families as they were embarassed, they couldn't finish high school as it wasn't allowed, hardly anyone would hire a woman with children with or without a DH, there was no day care so many decided to make their child a gift to a family who really wanted them. Guess this story points up the fact that everyone reacts to this situation differently, sometimes the seeker is disappointed that a close relationship doesn't develop.
I have a niece and nephew who were adopted, they are brother and sister. After my SIL passed away her son searched and made contact with is birth mother and her two daughters. He found out that his birth mother had tried to contact him ever since he turned 18 but his adopted mother refused to let it happen. He's glad he met his birth mother but hasn't developed a close relationship with her, he has become close with his half sisters who live out West and has visited them several times.
His sister has no interest in finding her birth mother. In fact, her brother said she's very angry about being adopted. Never did find out what she's angry about as she knew from an early age she was adopted. Maybe because she thinks her birth mother gave her away? It's difficult for young people of today to understand what the mores were back 40, 50 years ago - there was no place for pregnant unwed girls to go, hardly any support from families as they were embarassed, they couldn't finish high school as it wasn't allowed, hardly anyone would hire a woman with children with or without a DH, there was no day care so many decided to make their child a gift to a family who really wanted them. Guess this story points up the fact that everyone reacts to this situation differently, sometimes the seeker is disappointed that a close relationship doesn't develop.
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