kwhite

Haha Amma she told him to go tell his mother what he did and see where she stands on it. He has not contacted her today. She went to two movies with a friend and had a wonderful time. She had a convo with another boy who is interested in her and he was totally into holding doors for her and treating her properly. He told her if he didn't his mother would kill him. Amma I think Pip is going to date your son!!!!

Esqmommy

I expect that whoever is at the door first will open it. That said, my DH has always been very good about trying to be there first...but not in a stupid over-the-top way. He always walks on the street part of the sidewalk with me or the children, and he's deferential in a polite way to women. That's how we are raising our children. I expect everyone to be polite, but he small "nicities" that we show each other are essential. Men and Women are not the same...we have differences, and we can appreciate those differences. I don't feel like less of a "feminist" if a door is opened for me. In fact, it's one of the things that make my DH special. He's always been that way, and I love it.

I think what you told DD is right on the mark. This young man sounds immature...if she lets him get away with that without a consequence, then he'll do worse. Believe me. Been there with dating losers...if that's his first impression so to speak, can you imagine what he'd do when he's in the comfort zone of a relationship????

Esqmommy

I don't think you're being sexist with either of these, just perhaps a bit old-fashioned. I also suspect that living in the midwest, that this is more the norm?? I am in the thick of a very male dominated world (lawyers) and also live in the San Francisco Bay Area and it is very progressive. I don't think I've ever come across a business situation where either gender thought twice about sitting in a room together, or shaking hands. In fact, it would be quite insulting for me to have a man not extend his hand...I never would've thought about taking a woman's hand, but then again, I'm pretty friendly. When I meet someone, I usually offer my hand right away, etc.

It's nice to get your perspective, and if it ever happens to me, I'll go to the other person's intention before I judge. I had a boss who was actually quite naive, but he told me once that if you try to think of the other's intention, you'll see that most acts are not meant to be hurtful, or bad. Most everyone has a good intention for what they do. That thought has helped me get through many a moment with folks who irritated me beyond belief...

bearisgray

Good questions - what are the definitions for -

"What is a 'lady'"?

"What is a 'gentleman'"?

Does it depend on social standing/class/caste?

Behavior?

Does it vary from one time era to another? From one place to another?

I think the topic of this discussion is really: Being treated with respect

amma

If only they lived closer!!! I would love to share the "Mother In Law" title with you!!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

LucyInTheSky

That's the high approach. Mine's a little more passive aggressive. I would agree to the date and 30 minutes before tell him I was going to spend time with my cousins instead. :twisted:

LucyInTheSky

I got into this long distance relationship with the guy in Michigan. I went out to visit him early January (please note - I'm from Tucson. Cold = 60 degrees), so I was freezing my butt off. We leave his house and go to his car, which is parked outside. He has a car that the car doors have to be unlocked manually. He opens HIS door, gets in, fusses around for a few minutes (well, it was probably 30 seconds), before leaning over and unlocking my door, while I'm freezing outside. I told him he would always open my door first in the future period.

New boyfriend, he opens the car door for me without having to be told. Good upbringing IMO

kwhite

Good for you. Stand up for yourself.

amma

I have spent the last few days watching a good number of movies...after reading and responding to this thread something stuck out while watching them. Some of the men/boys in the movies did not listen to when they were told no, go away, I don't want/like that, etc... BUT the women/girls after saying it, either didn't mean it...or didn't stick by it... I wonder if that is a common theme? (I don't mean being told "NO" in a sexual situation)
I don't watch a whole lot of movies on tv or renting them...is this something these younger guys are seeing often and thinking it is okay, acceptable and that no does not mean no, anymore?
Does this lead to disrespectful behaviors in other ways?
Do girls still go after the "bad boys" and then expect to be treated well/respected?

Lostn51

I think Eddie and I had the same set of parents! :mrgreen:

To this day I hold the door for my wife and anyone who is directly behind me when I am going into a building. I open the car door for her when getting in the car, and if its raining or the weather is miserable I will drop her and the kids (18 and 23 :lol: ) at the door so they will not get cold or wet walking through the parking lot.

I live a traditional lifestyle with traditional values, hence my screen name again. :D

Now its funny you brought this up because my 18yo daughter was stood up Friday night also. She and her mom were talking about it and I was listening in with out them knowing and she gave some really good advice. But what my daughter said next just made me laugh..... "Mom thats good advice and I was going to write him off anyway, but I'd rather have dad punch him in the face"

Thats my baby girl! :mrgreen:


Billy