littlehud

My DD smokes. She does it outside and never around my DGD. DD was never married and DGD was a surprise. Never call her a mistake!!!! DD and I agree on this, she is a gift. DD had lived with my DGD dad for 7 years and when she had a baby he was not able to cope with it. She moved in with me. Dad has always paid child support and is a loving dad at this point. My daughter is a wonderful mom and puts my grand daughter ahead of everything else. DGD knows she is loved by many people and is well adjusted. Don't let any one who does not know your whole story judge you. Keep doing what you are doing and live with the knowledge you are doing what is best for your child.

BellaBoo

You are young, you will make mistakes that you won't even realize until you are much older. You see a nosy know it all finding fault with what you do, but the lady has a point. Your decisions that day were not the best for the baby. Instead of being defensive stop and think why someone would bring it to your attention. :wink:

Chele

Politely ignore people and continue to do what is best for you and your family. Don't let the cranks bring you down. You're the mom now, so you are learning the rewarding process of raising a child and having a family. The lady probably has nothing better to do than find fault and issue accusations. Too bad for her.

Sanveann

I don't see what she did wrong in the slightest. Her kid fell asleep in the shopping cart ... not ideal, but there's not much you can do to keep a sleeping kid from slumping over. And it certainly doesn't justify this woman's efforts to TAKE her baby out of the cart!

And personally, I think it was great that she chose to smoke outside of the (air-conditioned) car. I wish my parents had thought as much about my health when they smoked -- they never thought twice about smoking while I was in the car.

Moonpi

Another reason why I never had kids - I would have stopped the biddy in her tracks by screaming "She's trying to kidnap Junior!!! Help!!!" and let her deal with the consequences of her self-righteousness.

As to the smoking, It has been years smokefree for me, and I still get cravings. It will never get easier to quit than it is now, when it hasn't become part of your self-image, and a major coping skill. But, you need to do it for yoursellf, noone else. When the time is right, it''ll happen.

MadQuilter

I know I would have a few comebacks for next time (and I have a feeling like there might be a next time.)

"Better a young unwed mother than a cranky old bitty." (Gotta keep it clean, you know.)

When my mom was 21, I was 3 and the moral police wagged their tongues.

Just smile, enjoy that baby, and have fun.

sewjoyce

I don't see that you did anything wrong -- keep up the good work :D

And I'm not going to criticize your smoking. When you are ready to quit, you will!

tlrnhi

Oh, I'm right there with you Moon. If ANYONE that I did not know layed a hand on my child, I'd be screaming bloody murder!
You don't touch another person's child without permission UNLESS that child is in eminant danger!

I'd just ignore the woman. There are many, many people out there that think they can do a better job than others at raising children, but they themselves have no clue.
Kids don't come with an instruction manual and from what I have read that you have posted, you are doing a great job. Ignore the ignorant biddies. OR, just politely say Thank you to them and walk away.

peaceandjoy

Moonpi and Madquilter have the BEST advice.

I have to agree with the others on quitting the smoking. It is an addiction, and as such, it's going to be hard. Just remind yourself how much harder it is for a child to lose a parent, or watch them go through debilitating illness. Remind Justin, too...

Honestly, my first reaction was that you well could have reported her for attempted kidnapping. A child who is attended, but has fallen asleep, is not in any emergent danger - which would be the only time a stranger has any right to touch them.

And, remember that none of us are perfect. Sooner or later, we all do something that we regret - parents, too. Rather than thinking perfection is the only acceptable state, which will only drive you crazy (as it would any of us), focus on the things you do right, that you do well, and try to improve when you realize something wasn't right.

Maybe the grumpy old lady is hyper sensitive because she never had children that she wanted. Maybe she lost somebody to cancer caused by smoking. Maybe her mother spent a lot of time sick. Maybe she just likes to be miserable. Don't let her spoil what was a nice outing with your friend and the child that you love.

mommaB

Legally married or not isn't a concern, commitment and compassion matter so much more :D

I'm proud of you for smoking outside the car. You did it right. I'm a granny now and ex smoker. I wish I could say I did the same for my kids :cry: My son does not smoke in the car when his daughter is with him, and he doesn't allow anyone to smoke in the house either. The baby's mom doesn't either. I won't lecture you for smoking, but I do hope you can quit one day.

You're a good mom, trust your instincts, and ignore the idiots in this world!!