Wedding Gift Etiquette (sp)
02-28-2011, 05:36 PM
#111
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,407
holy shEEt!!! She sounds like a prime candidate for BRIDZILLA! Shower & wedding registeries are great tools to let people know the kinds of things you need/want. HOWEVER, it is not mandatory to provide a gift soley off a registery. It's also in MAJOR poor taste for her not to have selected registery items that cover ALL price ranges. I have heard of theme weddings and I've heard of people let'n their guests know whether it's formal, semi-formal or casual but down to a specific color *shrugs* seems over board to me (but then again, I wanted 2 get married on cruise ship while drink'n champaigne in the jacuzzi so the few peeps I invited the attire requirement would have been swim suits! lol)
ANYWHO....
Since you're a co-worker w/no intimate relations, I wouldn't feel obligated to give a gift or attend either event.
If you want to attend her shower, give what you can afford or a gift certificate to where ever she's registered works too :) OR since your place of business is hosting the shower (which is kinda wierd to me ... usually a wedding shower is hosted by the maid of honor and/or the mother of the bride) You could suggest/ask if they'd all pitch in and get her one of her 'choice' gifts. Get a card & have everyone who pitched in sign it. Then when you go to the shower & present it as a gift from 'the office', everyone can feel good :)
It's been my experience that people who invite everyone in the world don't really expect them to attend but hope they'll get a gift anyways :) (key word - hope)
ANYWHO....
Since you're a co-worker w/no intimate relations, I wouldn't feel obligated to give a gift or attend either event.
If you want to attend her shower, give what you can afford or a gift certificate to where ever she's registered works too :) OR since your place of business is hosting the shower (which is kinda wierd to me ... usually a wedding shower is hosted by the maid of honor and/or the mother of the bride) You could suggest/ask if they'd all pitch in and get her one of her 'choice' gifts. Get a card & have everyone who pitched in sign it. Then when you go to the shower & present it as a gift from 'the office', everyone can feel good :)
It's been my experience that people who invite everyone in the world don't really expect them to attend but hope they'll get a gift anyways :) (key word - hope)
02-28-2011, 06:04 PM
#113
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 8,139
The bride sounds like the controlling type. You are under no obligation to attend either the shower or the wedding. Gifts are optional, though it's nice to give one when you can afford it, and attendance at a shower implies you plan to give a gift. The word is 'implies', though, not 'requires'.
If you feel you must give a gift, make a simple table topper in the colors she told you she prefers that YOU wear to her wedding.
Tell her that it is priceless, one of a kind. I'd hold off on telling her that if she doesn't like it, you'll take it back.
And don't wear the colors she wants you to wear. You have to have some fun...
If you feel you must give a gift, make a simple table topper in the colors she told you she prefers that YOU wear to her wedding.
Tell her that it is priceless, one of a kind. I'd hold off on telling her that if she doesn't like it, you'll take it back.
And don't wear the colors she wants you to wear. You have to have some fun...
02-28-2011, 08:45 PM
#114
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by mrsk
Originally Posted by bailey
This is a girl I work with. Do not socialize with her or see her other than at work. Still even wonder why I recieved an invitation. BTW - her wedding invitation also suggested proper attire and which colors she preferred you wear!!
02-28-2011, 10:52 PM
#115
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Caldwell, Idaho
Posts: 267
In the gentler past, one inferred by the time of day the form of the invitation and the locale what one would wear: Morning, evening with engraved invitations at a church or home: formal, white tie. The bride would wear a formal floor lenght gown with a long veil Afternoon at home or hotel with handwritten invites: semi-formal and tuxes. The bride in waltz or tea lenght dress, fingertip veil Printed invites to beaches, other locales, informal. but that meant dressy dresses and business suits, not sandals and shorts. The bride in street length dress with a short chin lenght veil. Nothing would be so stated on the invites, because that would say the invitees were too...naive? to know the rules. And only a 1st time bride(supposedly saying she was a virgin) would wear white.
But time moves on. My daughter wore a long white dress to her second wedding in her backyard at 11 in the morning, no veil, the groom wore khaki bermuda shorts, Hawaiian print shirt and Birkenstock sandals with no socks. The guests showed up in anything from shorts to jeans. It really was lovely. Not traditional at all. Even the woman minister wore a pant suit.
I guess it's like quilting now: no rules, if it works, its fine.
But time moves on. My daughter wore a long white dress to her second wedding in her backyard at 11 in the morning, no veil, the groom wore khaki bermuda shorts, Hawaiian print shirt and Birkenstock sandals with no socks. The guests showed up in anything from shorts to jeans. It really was lovely. Not traditional at all. Even the woman minister wore a pant suit.
I guess it's like quilting now: no rules, if it works, its fine.
03-01-2011, 04:04 PM
#116
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Port Lavaca, TX
Posts: 1,276
One
One gift has been customary for each weddiing.
Maybe a quilt table runner in greens or brown (that go with everything!) might make a nice gift?
Originally Posted by bailey
Is it proper and are you expected to send a wedding gift if you are invited to a wedding. I will be going to the shower but not the wedding. This girl has made it known that she does not want little things (read not expensive) for her shower. She has made a list of what she wants. I cannot afford both a wedding gift and a shower gift plus the wedding requires a couple of hours travel to attend. Please tell me what is the accepted custom. Thanks,
Maybe a quilt table runner in greens or brown (that go with everything!) might make a nice gift?
03-01-2011, 04:08 PM
#117
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: MO
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
Originally Posted by bailey
This is a girl I work with. Do not socialize with her or see her other than at work. Still even wonder why I recieved an invitation. BTW - her wedding invitation also suggested proper attire and which colors she preferred you wear!!
And you're worried about etiquette??????????? :D
03-01-2011, 04:46 PM
#118
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: San Francisco Bay area
Posts: 223
Pretend this is written on an Rx bottle. Thus,
"Whatever you do, do NOT enable or encourage this self-absorbed she-devil's demands on your time and money. She is toxic and will continue to demand more of you. Run, don't walk, away from her."
Like so many today, she's obviously putting more money, energy, thought, preparation and desire into the wedding...and ignoring the marriage. We can speculate how that will unfold in 6 months.
If you're concerned that there may be repercussions at work if you do not bow to her extortionist behavior, write up something documenting the invite, her demands, and anything else you want add and make a copy. Put both into sealed envelopes. Keep one at work and mail the other to your home address. Do not open the one sent to your home, just tuck it away. It will have a date on it via the post mark. Then, if you have any problems with her and you believe it's because of fall-out from this extornist scheme she's inflicting on everyone, you will have something to back up your response. The post mark will show that you "didn't make this up last night."
Do NOT be sucker-punched into giving in to her!!!
"Whatever you do, do NOT enable or encourage this self-absorbed she-devil's demands on your time and money. She is toxic and will continue to demand more of you. Run, don't walk, away from her."
Like so many today, she's obviously putting more money, energy, thought, preparation and desire into the wedding...and ignoring the marriage. We can speculate how that will unfold in 6 months.
If you're concerned that there may be repercussions at work if you do not bow to her extortionist behavior, write up something documenting the invite, her demands, and anything else you want add and make a copy. Put both into sealed envelopes. Keep one at work and mail the other to your home address. Do not open the one sent to your home, just tuck it away. It will have a date on it via the post mark. Then, if you have any problems with her and you believe it's because of fall-out from this extornist scheme she's inflicting on everyone, you will have something to back up your response. The post mark will show that you "didn't make this up last night."
Do NOT be sucker-punched into giving in to her!!!
03-01-2011, 04:52 PM
#119
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Cleveland OH
Posts: 3,220
Originally Posted by bailey
This is a girl I work with. Do not socialize with her or see her other than at work. Still even wonder why I recieved an invitation. BTW - her wedding invitation also suggested proper attire and which colors she preferred you wear!!
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