QuiltingGrannie

I think that at this point you know you have reached your 'breaking' point.
We each have our own 'breaking' point when we say enough is enough.
Prayers for you to make the right decision and work things out for the good.

JJs

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
I finally (after two decades!) got up the nerve and SELF-PRESERVATION to tell the woman to quit calling me, don't email me and don't show up in my driveway!

Remember what "Dear Abby" said years ago - people only take as much advantage of you as you allow.

Helping out your own children when they are in trouble through NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN is one thing but as someone else said ENABLING is a huge no-no, whether it be child, relative or friend. Allowing yourself to be, more or less, made a fool of, is so not right...

Stop and "listen" to the people who "you" (meaning all the people who have posted on this thread) have helped...
Hear the chortling because they fooled you?
Hear the ha-ha because they got you to pay once again?
Hear the laughter because you dropped what you were doing - again - to run to their aid?

Yes, you have to be hard-hearted, it was hard for me, but then I FINALLY looked back over the years and went, "duh"
and woke up.

pocoellie

Only you know when to say "enough" and it sounds like you're close. It's hard to say it after a long time and all you've done for her. Some people will just keep taking and taking until there's nothing to take. Do make sure you get your horse and carriage and if you don't, make sure you file theft charges against her.

sweet

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I certainly hope you are a little comforted in the fact that you are NOT alone.

dgmoby

I was going to write that the fact that you started this post indicates you already know what to do. But this post above contains some very wise words, and says it way better than I ever could. (I'm going to share it with my daughter also!)

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. If it were me, I would go and get my carriage right away! Tell her whatever you have to in order to take it. At this point, it doesn't really matter what you say, just get it into your possession so it's safe. Afterward, I would contact her and say the check bounced, and due to the banks requirements, I must turn it in to the DA else suffer many fees associated with it if it's not cleared up within X days (5? 10? just a FIRM quick timeline). Maybe she'll take care of it, but if not, then follow through. Turn it in to your state's DA. It's illegal to write a hot check - and immoral to do so while on vacation! (Of all the nerve!)

When people like this are in our lives, if we want/must maintain a relationship for whatever reason, then we have no alternative but to learn the word 'No' so they cannot take advantage of us again. We must set limits on these types of relationships. Else we must let them go. Otherwise, you grant permission to be treated badly.

You're a wonderful friend, and I know many people would be so blessed to have you in their lives! Apparently, you're not as appreciated by this person as you deserve. We all deserve to be treated kindly and truthfully and with respect. I hope this helps - along with all the other wonderful advice you've been given and eases your heart just a little bit.

Debbie in Austin

mlaceruby

Happened to me also!
Friends and Family! I have decided that I must live with my actions. Do what your heart tells you to do!
Obviously this friend does not treat you with that in mind.
and by giving her another chance she knows she can do it again! It will never stop and some people never change!
YOU deserve better!!!
I keep telling myself that!

EagarBeez

I feel you are realizing what you need to do. I've been there and done that as well. A friend is not someone who takes without giving back. That is a one sided relationship. You have a caring side, like the rest of us do and your friend sees that and seems to take advantage of your help. I would get your carriage back, no need for any explanations, it is yours. I would also ask her to make good on the check or you will be forced to take her to court for it.

Ditter43

I am sorry you are going through this....I think most of us have had a "friend" like that at some time in our lives.I wonder which is the most painful....being used or knowing it won't change..... :|

Rachel

I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Its horrible to have to let a "friend" go. I have a "friend", that I've known for 15 years. Little things have made me question our freindship, but when she asked to borrow money from my 401K, I had to say enough. We still talk occassionally, but I've cut her off from my finances completely. Won't even buy her lunch anymore. There are other things that made me wonder if I should just cut her off completely and I guess the statement mentioned above (If something makes you ask yourself if you should or shouldn't, you already know the answer) makes me think I should...

QBeth

Both hurt, being used and finally realizing it won't change. Sign me up for a t-shirt, too.

Those of us who've been used, I'm guessing, are kind at heart and try to help others. That there's a part of us that needs to be liked, even by those we don't hold in high regard. If anything, we work harder to get approval from people who not very nice.

On the flip side, these users/losers have a fundamental flaw in their character that will probably never change -- they are selfish to their core. It also seems, to me, that users inevitably come through things "smelling like roses" and landing back on their feet. They are the survivors in that they manage to live their lives exactly as they want, regardless of the consequences to themselves or others.