MrsM

This weekend my husband and I are going to talk with his parents about their options of staying in their own home. This is going to be very difficult for all of us. His sister will be there as well as her husband. We live 3 hours away from them all. Any advice on how to handle this? Resources? I am close to tears. Any help will be so appreciated.

Ramona Byrd

Could someone have, or build, a Mother-in-law apartment on their home with the proceeds of the sale of the older members' house? That is, if they own it.

Or rent a small apartment near one of the children?

I'd get in touch with THEIR local senior citizens' group and ask them for suggestions. Our local one has some new apartments right across the street from our local Senior Citizens building. Or get in touch with the same groups in each of the children's towns. They might have some good leads.

Naturalmama

((((hugs)))) This is difficult. We just had to move my mil to an assisted living center, but she actually wanted to go. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be them!! Is home care an option? Everything is so expensive... I wish we had a mil's appt on our house - but even that would be difficult.

MrsM

I wouldn't mind them living with us at all. We have the room, but we would be taking them away from other family and friends. We will have to see if they are willing to come to our home.

Ramona Byrd

One other thing, should you help them move, or have someone go in to help take care of them, REMOVE ALL SMALL, EXPENSIVE OBJECTS AND PUT IN A SAFE DEPOSIT BOX. I had 2 old friends who had housekeepers come in, and one of them showed me a mangled gold ring with the ruby "gone". She thought it must have caught in something while she was wearing it, but other club members and I knew she hadn't worn it for a long time. We talked her into giving her more valuable jewelry to her kids.

Personally, about the only group of people I'd ever hand my house keys to are our Mennonites, male or female, should they decide to work as housekeepers.

Grama Lehr

Oh, my heart goes out to you! No your parents realize that they need more help? That is the hard part, my mom dug in her heels and would not move, no how, no way!! For the past two years, my single brother moved in with her, but the time is coming when he will no longer be able to assist her with all of her needs.

{{{hugs to you }}}

Lisa_wanna_b_quilter

We had to have this conversation with my Grandpa 2 years ago. He said there was NO WAY he was leaving his home unless it was in a body bag. There was much family upset. Finally, a few weeks later my uncle convinced him to just go look at an assisted living facility. Grandpa ended up thinking it looked like a pretty good idea and agreed to try it for the winter. By the time winter was over, he made no mention of wanting to leave.

I hopeyou find a way to work it out without too much stress.

Hosta

we have this situation my mom lives in her home with my youngest sister but mom needs care for breakfast lunch and dinner I do breakfast and my othe two sisters are suppose to do lunch and dinner but they rarely show so it all falls on my younger sis but we got an aide from an agency thru medicare who come for four hours a day to help clean take care of mom baths etc. so that my younger sis can go to work. check out social service agencies thru the local office on aging see what they can do there is stuff there its just hard to find if you don't know where to look

litacats

I was fortunate that my mother was happy to live with us for 6 years even tho she was badly dissabled. we had home care come in to shower her 5 days a week and I put her to bed every night. I am now 65 and not in the best of health (haven't been for many years) but once we lost the house on new years day she has been living in a hospital type nursing home not ideal but even when we get the new house I dought if we could have her back. she is nearly 95 with MS and only 1 leg and tho I would love to keep looking after her I have had to make the hard choice of putting her into a nursing home when 1 becomes availlable.
I treasure every day I had with mum at home the good days and the bad days, so if you are able to look after your parents even if it is only for a short time DO it you wont regret it. the hardest thing for them is letting go of their independence. But if they are starting to have difficulties looking after themselves you may have to take on the responsibility of what to do and where they should go.
I hope you find a happy solution for you all.
HUGS to you

Laura3

Nothing about this is easy. I had to tell my Dad, because he didn't want to go to Assisted Living. My mom is great, but caring for my dad is wearing her out. Just try to put yourself in their position and talk to them how you would want your kids to talk to you. I try very hard not to parent them, which can be difficult, because they need more help than they have in the past. As much as they may not realize it now, simplifying their lives relieves a lot of stress for the elderly. When their world becomes smaller and less complicated, they can relax and enjoy their friends and their lives.

I took my parents to several Assisted Living facilities for lunch and tours. It made them feel they had a choice about their future. The visual made it much easier for them to make a decision.

I will be thinking about you this weekend. You will be kind, caring and loving in your conversation. Be gentle with yourself, its not easy caring for our parents.

Take Care, Laura