cathyvv

My grandson and I used to go out to play when he was little. I always came into the house with a pocketful of pebbles...his gifts to me! I always accepted them with a smile. Those pebbles were gifts from his heart and represented the LOVE he felt for me. Once inside, the pebbles were stored in baggies and put away for future reference.

He's 11 now, and I don't get pebbles from him anymore. But I still get the love!

suebee

Well said my fellow quilter!! I think at times there are some people who have nothing more to do that tear apart how others feel.. be gracious its the right thing to do. Good hearted people (and you know who you are):oops: dont intentionally give someone a gift they KNOW they WONT like. Good grief...

suebee

WOW, really??? this is the second time today that I have seen you say "Truly I am not trying to offend anyone"; you have done just that. Seriously, you said it yourself....you dont have to read the sad, lonely, upset, depressing stories. This QB is the only way some people can talk about things troubling them. If you read more of these topics, you will see many people helping others with the topic of Quilting. Have a heart!!

suebee

Very heart warming. made me smile. thank you for sharing.

patdesign

Sorry, there are volumes to be said for being grateful (that some one cared enough) and graceful (if it just isn't your bag.-no pun intended). At almost 72 I realize not many people hit the mark about what I like, however that does not in any way lessen the fact that I love them for the thought. My mamma raised a southeren gal with manners.:)

kateyb

I think politeness is the key here.
I have received gifts I didn't like either from hubby's family before they knew me well, or younger siblings when they were small. I always used, wore, or displayed them for a while and then after a time put them away, donated or found someone who liked them. I knew they were selected because they thought I would like them or it was all they could afford. Depending on circumstances.
As a giver try to find out what they would like either by asking questions early in the year or a sibling, parent or friend who knows their likes better than you.

Conniequilts

Absolutely THANK YOU for saying it so clearly. Not to long ago I put out my own post of "why do we give quilts". Not nearly as eloquent as yours, but this is my point. So many people think just because they made it the receiver should love it. NOT it's our thing, not theirs!

Just ask me when I am going to make a quilt for my hubby's daughter - the answer NEVER. 1. she wouldn't use it and 2. she would sell it as the first garage sale she had.

Nanax4

I so agree with the original poster....why in the world would you pour a ton of time/energy/money into a gift without first checking with the recipient as to color/style/whatever....and then be annoyed because they didn't gush over it????

That tells me the gift is about you, not them. Isn't it supposed to be about them?

Did you make it because it made you feel good, or because you thought they'd like it? You can't tell me that they ALL would have adored a hand-made whatever...can you?

Isn't it now about how you felt making them? About look at me...look at all the work I did...aren't I wonderful for making this big sacrifice (that you never asked me for)? Isn't it now about getting attention for youself and not about them?

I understand wanting the gift to be a surprise, but if that's your priority a quilt isn't the right gift. If the priority is a gift that they'll love, then you have to KNOW their preferences and if not, allow them input or check with someone who does know. A quilt is too much work to not get it right. I think it boils down to your priority...a surprise or a much-loved quilt.

On the other hand I do think a recipient has an obligation to graciously receive the gift. My SIL just this year commented to another brother's new girlfriend that the woman would NEVER know if I didn't like her present because I am so exceedingly gracious. What a nice compliment!

For me, I love whatever it is because you gave it to me, not because of what it is.

Although I used to get some pretty atrocious gifts from my MIL which were pretty hard to love. :) Had to consciously remind myself to smile and say thank you. And to put it out when she came over (thankfully not that often).

The best gifts I got this year were a broken angel statue and some rocks from my littlest brother, who was trying to make up for the loss of our mother. Bless his broken heart.

Mattee

I think there's two points being discussed here. I think everyone would agree that people should say "thank you" when receiving a gift. I don't hear anyone arguing that.

The second point is what the OP was, I think, trying to point out, that you shouldn't expect anything beyond that. If a gift ends up at Goodwill, so be it. Gift-givers don't have a reasonable expectation to determine what happens to the gifts that we give once they're out of our hands. If you do try to dictate how your gift is used, you're setting yourself up for a major disappointment.

There have just been a lot of threads here lately about how disappointed people are with how their gifted quilts were received. Some of us (and I know I'm not alone here) think it's curious that people get so upset about how their quilts are used or received.

justflyingin

I agree with you. We all need to be polite when getting a gift, but we are not all obligated to use the gift we dislike. If so, we have just allowed someone else to control our daily lives. Unless that person is your spouse or child still living at home, you are giving them too much power.