LMB

I have become a fan of this saying... it only took me 60 years to learn it, and only two years to say it without getting sick to my stomach. But you know what? I found it really causes me less stress than trying to sneek my way out of uncomfortable situations... and once it is said the person or persons causing me grief have a clear picture of my feelings. The saying is... wait for it... NO!
I say it politely, but not with an "I am sorry" because I am not. You have to stand for something or you end up standing for nothing.

PiecesinMn

Thank her for the complement of appreciating your quilt so much that she would like to make one of her own. Tell her that you appreciate the value of your other friends creativety and feel that it is wrong to make a copy of a pattern for one friend at the expense of another. You are being true to both friends and if she takes offense at your words and non action that's her choice.

hannajo

Amen to that! I've struggled with this same thing myself, and gaining the ability to say NO and mean it has been one of the most freeing things in my life. Now, I really try to just say what I mean. If I was in this situation, I would say, "no, I can't give it to you because it's copyrighted, and that's illeagal."

She might respond as others have responded to me with, "well, no one will know." And I respond with, "but I'll know and I don't do that." You don't have to get her to agree with you or to be happy about your decision.

Sometimes we don't like confrontation because we hate to make someone feel uncomfortable. But they are the ones who are putting us in the awkward situation, so we really don't owe it to them.

LMB

Thank you hannajo. Nice to know someone else has been there.

tuesy

I totally agree!

knlsmith

I sometimes lack a little tact. But most of the time I choose the kill them with kindness thing because I LOVE to watch people squirm.... BUT after I told her no it's copyrighted and she is still being a pill, I would have told her to buy her own. Or hey, here's my heating bill for this month, let's trade! I would not be polite after trying to explain why this was wrong. She's just an acquaintence, who cares what she thinks. There's something else I would have said, but probably not very polite. ;)

FranW

If she continues to ask, then tell her you can't do that. You don't have to justify why, in fact, she already knows why. If she is really a friend, she will drop it. If not... I am sorry you have to deal with this.

gzuslivz

If you are ok with it, you could tell her that while you won't violate copyright law and cheat a mutual friend but you will sell it to her:-) Tell her that you wouldn't cheat her if she was the designer, either.

DogHouseMom

you are both friends of the designer? So she's asking one friend to help cheat another friend? My oh my.

OK ... invite her over. Invite the designer friend at the same time. Tell the designer friend to bring a copy because the other friend wants it. When the designer arrives it's up to her if she feels like giving it away or selling it.

Ta da.

CloverPatch

why is it we spend so much time trying to avoid hurting someones feelings, or getting them upset? When they are not returning the favor? No, means No. You do not owe her an explanation nor do you need her to agree with you.
It is not confrontation, It is simply not allowing yourself to be a doormat.
You did not buy it for her.
I have told my sister, My sister! I am not paying full price for you to have it for free! With my sister, I say, pay half and we share, but for what your talking about No. She can go buy it brand new.