Husbands...boyfrineds and such regarding quilting
09-19-2011, 01:34 PM
#141
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Tucker, GA
Posts: 2,042
Dear Clsurz.....when I retire to Coastal GA (Brunswick area) in a few years, I will have to track you down and sit and tell stories with you. Hopefully we'll get to be quilting buddies-----since we think so much alike!!!! Loved reading what you wrote and I couldn't agree more. Married 21 years, divorced 10, buy what I want when I want it if the budget can handle it; I teach public school so my budget can be tight. BUT----I still shop the LQS when I want!
09-19-2011, 01:39 PM
#142
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Western Arizona
Posts: 1,930
Originally Posted by FroggyinTexas
Originally Posted by clsurz
Originally Posted by Melinda in Tulsa
Since I handle the finances in the family now, he knows that I will only buy something if we have the extra money.
LOL, on the occasions we have to buy large item purchases, the sales person will turn to him for decisions...he just says, talk to her, she knows what she wants.
LOL, on the occasions we have to buy large item purchases, the sales person will turn to him for decisions...he just says, talk to her, she knows what she wants.
It use to irk me to no end regarding sales people when hubby was with me and I'd go in to make a purchase and tell them what I wanted and they look at him and ask him how they could help him and ignore me like I wasn't there.
I remember the last time someone pulled that on me was in 2006 when hubby and I went to a Toyota place for me to buy me a vehicle. One sales guy approached us and looked at hubby and asked how he could help him and ignored the fact that I just told him the vehicle I wanted. I told him again and he ignored me again so I told him we did not need his help. We walked away from him went inside and I asked for the manager of the place. He came out of his office and I told him I'd like to buy a vehicle and what I wanted and that a salesperson had approached us but totally ignored my request as if I was not standing there and directed himself to my husband and that I was the one wanting to buy and not hubby and could he direct me to someone who would want a sale from a woman.
He immediately told me he'd take care of me and he did. I bought the vehicle in my name and on my credit and with the cash in my pockets. Unfortunately that sales person who kept ingoring me lost a sales commission that day and I left with a brand new Toyota RAV 4 Limited Edition.
I have no clue as to what the manager did or not do with that sales person and I didn't care. I had several thousand dollars in my pocket and I wanted to buy a vehicle and in the end that is what I got.
I truly detest men that still in todays age act like we women don't exist.
By mutual agreement, my husb. decided I was the one to shop for our cars since I was better at the details than he was.
I was shopping for our first big motorhome when a salesman approached the unit I was looking at & serious about buying. There happened to be another man who had come into the MH behind me. When I came out well ahead of the man, the salesman totally ignored me & turned to the man. I stood a sl. distance away waiting for attention. After it was obvious he was going to ignore me, I left. I called the dealer back & told him they had lost a sale by assuming I was with that man & ignored me. He tried to talk me into coming back but I said it was too late. I felt they needed to chg. their approach about dealing with women.
09-19-2011, 01:46 PM
#143
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: N.W. Missouri
Posts: 858
This is such interesting reading.
My husband is very supportive in my quilting..and pretty much in everything I do...now. Hasn't always been the case, but times change and so do people. We married young and (48 years ago) in those times most marriages were male dominated to a degree. I still have to quietly let him know that he is getting on that one nerve of mine when he makes a condescending remark. It usually works. We're both retired. We have joint accounts except for my quilting business and that is solely mine. I do all of the bill paying and record keeping. Once in a while when he gets on my nerves I tell him to please take over the bookkeeping and that pretty well does the trick. Neither of us spend a big amount of money without telling the other one. Marriage takes a lot of work and most of the younger kids today just walk away when the going gets tough. Sometimes you have to compromise and even back off.
I have a very dear friend who has been verbaly abused her whole life. First from her parents, then her husband and her children...and grandchildren. Her parents always put her down and called her "dummy" and her husband took that task over when they got married. Her children, and grandchildren treat her with disrespect...unless they want something. I'm always telling her that she doesn't deserve that type of treatment. She is one of the most giving and caring people you could meet. It hurts my heart too see her put down, but until one of them says some snarky remark in front of me I can't say anything. I just keep biding my time and one day I will get the opportunity to tell them. :hunf:
My husband is very supportive in my quilting..and pretty much in everything I do...now. Hasn't always been the case, but times change and so do people. We married young and (48 years ago) in those times most marriages were male dominated to a degree. I still have to quietly let him know that he is getting on that one nerve of mine when he makes a condescending remark. It usually works. We're both retired. We have joint accounts except for my quilting business and that is solely mine. I do all of the bill paying and record keeping. Once in a while when he gets on my nerves I tell him to please take over the bookkeeping and that pretty well does the trick. Neither of us spend a big amount of money without telling the other one. Marriage takes a lot of work and most of the younger kids today just walk away when the going gets tough. Sometimes you have to compromise and even back off.
I have a very dear friend who has been verbaly abused her whole life. First from her parents, then her husband and her children...and grandchildren. Her parents always put her down and called her "dummy" and her husband took that task over when they got married. Her children, and grandchildren treat her with disrespect...unless they want something. I'm always telling her that she doesn't deserve that type of treatment. She is one of the most giving and caring people you could meet. It hurts my heart too see her put down, but until one of them says some snarky remark in front of me I can't say anything. I just keep biding my time and one day I will get the opportunity to tell them. :hunf:
09-19-2011, 01:47 PM
#144
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 2,067
clsurz, I am so sorry you had such a negative experience that prompted you to violence. My husband have always discussed anything in question, and he usually offers more than I ask for. I have been blessed for over fifty-nine years by this wonderful man. I thank God for him every day! I have learned that communication (such as your conversation with your friend's husband) is much better than hitting someone. However, I wasn't in your shoes, so I am not criticizing~~ God bless you and keep you. :-)
09-19-2011, 01:47 PM
#145
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 847
My husband works for a small family-owned quilting company! He knows what stash really is and so mine looks minimal. In fact, he has a machine that was given to him by the only other employee ~ a Singer 99. He gently reminds me now and again that it was given to him :)
09-19-2011, 01:47 PM
#146
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Denver area
Posts: 255
Thanks so much for sharing...totally agree with ya. Instead of toys, DH would spend it on booze which doesn't take up the room that my hobbies would. It was also a big factor in the "verbal abuse" area that would include the money thing. Well, thankfully, he's given that up but sadly, I went through my thing and had given up on hobbies. Trying to get our family's lives back together including my interests which I need to keep me going. Will keep your voice in my head next time I start to feel guilty or he starts his little comments lol!!!
09-19-2011, 01:48 PM
#147
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 8,111
My Mother always said, "The woman sets the tone in a relationship."
She meant that if you are willing to put up with a lot of BS, that's what you'll get. If you are dishing out a lot of BS, you'll get it back.
If you respect yourself, you'll know when to draw the line on someone elses behavior towards you. And if you respect your husband, he'll respect you.
My first husband - well - lets just say I learned what I didn't want in a partner. My second, current and last husband is all I could ever ask for in a life partner. My Mom was right. I set the tone. When we dated, the first time he cursed around me (not at me), I told him that I didn't appreciate that kind of language and if he wanted to use it around me, I wouldn't be around. He never cursed around me again. If he had cursed AT me, the relationship would have ended immediately - that's abuse. He tried yelling at me one time to get his way. I told him that yelling at me the way he was yelling was disrespectful of me and my opinions, and if he wanted to yell we were through. That ended the yelling.
It is a two way street, though. There have been times when he let me know that I was out of line...I listened.
We've known each other for 33 years, married for 28. Life is good.
She meant that if you are willing to put up with a lot of BS, that's what you'll get. If you are dishing out a lot of BS, you'll get it back.
If you respect yourself, you'll know when to draw the line on someone elses behavior towards you. And if you respect your husband, he'll respect you.
My first husband - well - lets just say I learned what I didn't want in a partner. My second, current and last husband is all I could ever ask for in a life partner. My Mom was right. I set the tone. When we dated, the first time he cursed around me (not at me), I told him that I didn't appreciate that kind of language and if he wanted to use it around me, I wouldn't be around. He never cursed around me again. If he had cursed AT me, the relationship would have ended immediately - that's abuse. He tried yelling at me one time to get his way. I told him that yelling at me the way he was yelling was disrespectful of me and my opinions, and if he wanted to yell we were through. That ended the yelling.
It is a two way street, though. There have been times when he let me know that I was out of line...I listened.
We've known each other for 33 years, married for 28. Life is good.
09-19-2011, 02:29 PM
#150
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Island/Beechhurst, NY
Posts: 1,295
I REALLY like the women on this QB! You're all strong, have good common sense........and you make me smile!
Love you all...........!
PS: I've been married 47 years to a great man. We both love our hobbies and eachother.
Love you all...........!
PS: I've been married 47 years to a great man. We both love our hobbies and eachother.
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