Husbands...boyfrineds and such regarding quilting
09-19-2011, 02:36 PM
#151
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 5,453
just like at my house..well said!
Originally Posted by Rose L
I have been fortunate in life. Both my ex-DH and my new-DH have been very supportive of my sewing hobby and gardening hobby for that matter. Neither of them have ever been verbally or physically abusive and the only thing that dictates my spending is our finances at the time I wish to buy. But you are right, life is too short! If I ever found myself in a situation such as you described, I'd be gone with the wind. No doubt in my mind.
09-19-2011, 02:41 PM
#152
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Olympia,Washington
Posts: 638
I guess I've been lucky with the ex's encouraging me to go for what I want. Now new beau spends his $ on the quilting must have's so How neat is that? Quite different for me to have someone pay for it,and only after a few months. Of course I wasn't afraid to use a skillet if I had too.
The new one even understands about the fibro flairs which are killing me right now, just called the Dr. to see if I can up the meds to hopefully do away with the burning in my leg and left shoulder. Whew!! It hurts.
The new one even understands about the fibro flairs which are killing me right now, just called the Dr. to see if I can up the meds to hopefully do away with the burning in my leg and left shoulder. Whew!! It hurts.
09-19-2011, 03:02 PM
#153
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Georgia
Posts: 1,508
To the handful of you who have responded that my using a skillet across his head is ABUSE.... you know not what you are talking about!
Anyone that knows me I'm a fun loving person, and although big and tall I'm as soft as a teddy bear. There come a time that we all have to stand up for ourself and take action.
The way to stop abuse is to take action which I did. It only took one time.
As for my being hauled to jail would never have happened...why! Because he was a police officer at the time and he would have had to explain to the chief and the judge why I bonked him on the head and most likely would have or could have lost his job. They also would have made fun of him allowing a women to whip him.
Also the fact that I'm a Marine and male Marines taught me to grow a pair helped me to deal with him as though I was a man.
Just because a person takes action to stop any type of abuse does not make that person an abuser themselves.
As for marriage I've always said once is enough even in the good times. If hubby were gone to heaven or if we had ever divorced I never would have gotten married again. Once I put a stop to his verbal and mental abuse he changed. We have been together almost 35 years and I did my deed more than 20-25 years ago.
My marriage was never all that bad compared to what some women go through but than again I'm not the type to sit back for long and allow someone to be abusive towards me or anyone else for that matter.
When I was in the Marines I'd often see women Marines allow there so called boyfriends to verbally, mentally and sometimes physically abuse them and if they did it in my presence that male Marine never did it again.
Sometimes as someone else mentioned here a couple times we ladies have to grow a pair to be on equal footing with these silly men. If you confront a man like a man it will put a stop to there foolishness.
I remember once a male Marine telling me negative stuff and I in my still small voice stated "I'm more man than you'll ever be and more women than you could ever possibly handle". Of course all the male Marines laughed at what I told him and basically said "looks like she grew her a pair and took yours and ground them up".
When it comes to abuse of any kind weather a man doing it to a woman, or reverse there comes a time that like or similar measure needs to be taken to put that person in there place and some measures have to be more drastic than others. That does not make the person defending themselves an abuser as well but in any court of law is called SELF-DEFENSE.
I also detest men that drink and abuse only when they are drunk and family and others say "oh he didn't mean it, or he didn't know what he was doing and some other stupid thing. He knew what he was doing all the while but just wasn't man enough to try it when sober.
Anyone that knows me I'm a fun loving person, and although big and tall I'm as soft as a teddy bear. There come a time that we all have to stand up for ourself and take action.
The way to stop abuse is to take action which I did. It only took one time.
As for my being hauled to jail would never have happened...why! Because he was a police officer at the time and he would have had to explain to the chief and the judge why I bonked him on the head and most likely would have or could have lost his job. They also would have made fun of him allowing a women to whip him.
Also the fact that I'm a Marine and male Marines taught me to grow a pair helped me to deal with him as though I was a man.
Just because a person takes action to stop any type of abuse does not make that person an abuser themselves.
As for marriage I've always said once is enough even in the good times. If hubby were gone to heaven or if we had ever divorced I never would have gotten married again. Once I put a stop to his verbal and mental abuse he changed. We have been together almost 35 years and I did my deed more than 20-25 years ago.
My marriage was never all that bad compared to what some women go through but than again I'm not the type to sit back for long and allow someone to be abusive towards me or anyone else for that matter.
When I was in the Marines I'd often see women Marines allow there so called boyfriends to verbally, mentally and sometimes physically abuse them and if they did it in my presence that male Marine never did it again.
Sometimes as someone else mentioned here a couple times we ladies have to grow a pair to be on equal footing with these silly men. If you confront a man like a man it will put a stop to there foolishness.
I remember once a male Marine telling me negative stuff and I in my still small voice stated "I'm more man than you'll ever be and more women than you could ever possibly handle". Of course all the male Marines laughed at what I told him and basically said "looks like she grew her a pair and took yours and ground them up".
When it comes to abuse of any kind weather a man doing it to a woman, or reverse there comes a time that like or similar measure needs to be taken to put that person in there place and some measures have to be more drastic than others. That does not make the person defending themselves an abuser as well but in any court of law is called SELF-DEFENSE.
I also detest men that drink and abuse only when they are drunk and family and others say "oh he didn't mean it, or he didn't know what he was doing and some other stupid thing. He knew what he was doing all the while but just wasn't man enough to try it when sober.
09-19-2011, 04:01 PM
#154
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: SC
Posts: 1,909
My hubby never used to say anything about my fabric, etc. purchases...but then, I did sell the occasional quilt so he never had reason to. He also re-did two small bedrooms into one big studio for me..paid the freight, and never once complained!
09-19-2011, 04:14 PM
#155
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 853
you go girl. DH bought me the Accuquilt studio 2 yrs ago for Christmas. He love it too. I bought him a new hunting rifle last month, 1st one I have bought him in 25 yrs. it was $$$ our 1st year I got him a 22 for his birthday, he had been wanting one. He is a happy camper. and puts up with my stuff and mess.
09-19-2011, 04:33 PM
#156
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: North Oxford MA
Posts: 943
Originally Posted by Candace
I have to admit I cringe every time I read "my husband LET me buy or do whatever"..... Anyone who LETS me do anything is in charge of me. And NO ONE is in charge of me, but me! It should be a partnership, not one person in control of another.
09-19-2011, 04:33 PM
#157
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,667
Originally Posted by SparkMonkey
My fiance and I recently had a discussion about how we want to manage our money once we're married, and we decided that we'll have a main account for household/day-to-day/this-is-expensive-so-we're-in-on-this-together expenditures, and we'll each keep our current personal checking accounts with an equal monthly "allowance." Our personal accounts are how we'll pay for personal things like my crafting and his running shoes, as well as gifts and surprises we don't want ruined.
He'll always make more money than me, but I've never once felt like he viewed that as any kind of leverage or entitlement to more "say" in a matter. He values my opinion and there is 100% mutual respect between us. And on my side of things, I absolutely do not view him as a meal ticket or fund for my hobbies. It helps that neither of us is much concerned with having "stuff." I know he's not going to come home with a ridiculously expensive car, and he knows I'm not going to come home with a handbag that costs a rent payment. ;)
If we didn't agree on this, well... we probably wouldn't be engaged to begin with, but we'd most definitely have to at least come to a compromise before signing that paper. I am a loud-and-proud believer in complete equality in relationships, and I've got a really strong example in my parents. I can't begin to say how blessed I feel that J and I already see eye-to-eye on the important things.
He'll always make more money than me, but I've never once felt like he viewed that as any kind of leverage or entitlement to more "say" in a matter. He values my opinion and there is 100% mutual respect between us. And on my side of things, I absolutely do not view him as a meal ticket or fund for my hobbies. It helps that neither of us is much concerned with having "stuff." I know he's not going to come home with a ridiculously expensive car, and he knows I'm not going to come home with a handbag that costs a rent payment. ;)
If we didn't agree on this, well... we probably wouldn't be engaged to begin with, but we'd most definitely have to at least come to a compromise before signing that paper. I am a loud-and-proud believer in complete equality in relationships, and I've got a really strong example in my parents. I can't begin to say how blessed I feel that J and I already see eye-to-eye on the important things.
:wink:
K
09-19-2011, 04:36 PM
#158
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 234
My dh asked last weekend "don't you need to go to Jo-Ann or something?" Turned out HE wanted to go to the city and load up some free rock, I should have known I wouldn't need work gloves at Jo-Ann, but we did stop there and at Menards and bought 2 shelving units, one to store my fabric on and one that I'm using as a cutting table, just the right height. He also helps me pick the right color/fabric combinations when I have quilters' block (so-to-speak).
09-19-2011, 04:37 PM
#159
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Galveston Texas
Posts: 1,596
Amen. My husband once ask about the cost of a sewing machine that I was looking at, I told him it was about the price of the generator he bought for one of this boats. I think he understood.
He still likes to think he has me under his thumb, but I just go ahead and do what I want. Not the best way in a relationship (53 yrs.) but the only way it works with him.
He still likes to think he has me under his thumb, but I just go ahead and do what I want. Not the best way in a relationship (53 yrs.) but the only way it works with him.
09-19-2011, 04:44 PM
#160
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Corner of Ia., Neb. & S.D.
Posts: 132
Originally Posted by luvTooQuilt
He's my biggest enabler - chances are he got it for me before I got it for me anyway!!
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
