I'm a man, and I find it incredibly difficult to say no. Especially to family, even the ones I don't care for much.

Exactly my thoughts.

You could just charge her for the LA quilting.

I would not have made the quilt in the first place. But then I do not have much time and less money to be making expensive gifts for people I love, let alone those I do not like.

OP said she used fabric on hand for much of the top, but that fabric was paid for at some point in the past, unless it was gifted to her.

I would not send a bill, but I might consider calling up the sil and saying, Okay I have the top made, but I cannot afford the quilting. Offer her two choices, 1 - you can look up the names and numbers of LAQ in her area and send the flimsy (I would not send batting and backing) with the names and addresses and she can do the rest, or 2 - tell her it will cost X#$ to pay your local LAQ and you will send the quilt in once you have received the payment (in advance only).

I guess I'm not a very kind person. I'd send the quilt top along with the name of a few LA's in her area and a note:
Dear [sister],
I hope this quilt brings you as much joy in the years to come as it did for me to make it. I really wasn't sure how you might like it quilted, so I'm sending it along with a few names of places I googled (or perhaps you know of another) so you can get it quilted exactly to your liking. If you think of it, I'd love to see a picture of our collaboration when it's all finished.
Love,
me

___
It would be one thing if you routinely quilted them yourself, but the fact that someone is going to pay for the LA service ... may as well be her. Plus, how awful would it be if you sent the thing to her & she hates the quilting! Or turns around & sells it for cash. Your skill & gift was to piece the top for her. If you want to send the supplies for batting, backing & binding, that seems reasonable to me (though not necessary), but as for me personally, I wouldn't pay to send it out to a LA.

EDIT: Or I like Tothill's suggestion -- though I'd tell her to contact he LA directly & when they had decided on a design & coordinated payment, I'd take care of picking it up & shipping it to her.

I like Bree's suggestion. The idea that you'll make quilts for everyone will be nipped in the bud. IF somehow you could let her know the time spent on piecing the top even better. Sometimes people just don't understand the time and money required to make a quilt.

I was the sister-in-law :-( I would ask my mother to make quilts for me thinking it would be HER PLEASURE to make them. I have not recovered from the guilt I feel. When I started quilting and I came to realize what it took to make a quilt, I had my eyes opened for how absolutely rude and inconsiderate I was of her. So I try to understand when others act as badly as I did. There is not pleasure in gifting a quilt that is sewn with bad feelings. You need to do what feels right by you. If you gift it ,will you always be waiting for reimbursement of money or kind words? If you don't gift it, will you feel like you failed to take the higher ground? It's a tough one. My mother would know all about it!

And you could add you were surprised to hear she would be interested in one since you hadn't heard from her in so long. Then you could add your appreciation not to pass it around since it's costly with the increase in fabric and to send it out for the long armer. ...That is what I call a ticket to a guilt trip and worth the postage.

When your SIL saw that you had made a quilt for HER daughter, don't you think a little jealousy was involved. Your SIL knows she has been what she has been....the gift of a quilt might make things nicer between you. If not, you've done the right thing. I'm a LAQuilter and if it would help, I will quilt it free. Of course there would still be postage back and forth...you knew all along what SHOULD be done, that's why you have made the quilt!

My SIL and I had a falling out several years ago and then she died in her sleep last year. We never made up and now my brother doesn't speak to me, although he only lives 5 houses away and he know I'm dealing with a husband who is dying of ALS. I wish I had the chance to mend those fences. Just saying....

This is what I would have done, too. I agree that it would be inappropriate to send a bill, since you didn't indicate you'd be charging her when you agreed to make the quilt.

People just don't understand the time or cost in making a quilt. I think you could have tried explaining this to your niece when she followed up on the SIL's request, so she would understand why you refused. I think at this point, sending the quilt top along with some names of LAs would be a good way to educate them both.