I no longer have a problem saying NO, and I no longer need an explanation for saying it.

With blessings.
peace

I'm sure Purple Passion has "learned a lesson" on this. No is easy to form but hard to say to some people. I like the suggestion of including the niece in the project by letting her select the quilting and letting the quilt be a gift to her mother from her by way of Purple Passion. Send the flimsy, the specially selected backing and some suggestions of people who might quilt it for her. Include a note stating quite lovingly that you want her to feel included in the project. (This will also be an education for niece as to how much quilting costs, not to mention the cost of the fabric and the creation of the flimsy.)

What if you gave it to your Niece to give it to her Mother as a gift from her? Might help you justify it a bit better, maybe. What ever you do, it is very nice of you to be the better person. Hugs Davena

remember whatever you do for the lest of my brother you do unto me....God will bless you and who know you might end up with a great relationship with the mother after all these years. Be a better person that she is. We quilter are!!!!!

I have found it interesting how easy it is to find ourselves in a pickle by virtue of being quilters.
I have had 4 similar situations in my 5 short years of quilting.
It all comes down to the theory: people can't take advantage of us without our permission.
Fourth times a charm for me!
Family dynamics can be soo.. stressful, it's not that hard to be nice and why it proves to be difficult for many, I just don't understand.
I would try to find a way to at least NOT pay for the longarming and the batting, I would give them the opportunity to experience some of the costs involved and create a "possible" avenue for appreciation for what you did do. JMHO.

Sorry, I haven't read all the input. I'll just add my 2 cents ...

First of all, I know how you feel a bit pressured when someone asks you to make something for them whether you really like them or not. I've had that experience and have enough on my plate, that I really wouldn't have time.

Since you've already made the quilt top, I would suggest that you take a picture of it. Send her the picture with a note that says you "happen" to have made this quilt top and have heard that she might like these colors. Offer to sell her the quilt for the money you have invested in it. You could have it quilted for her for $ X or she could find a quilter to finish it for her. If she does not want to pay for it, that's her choice, and you have another quilt to gift to a loved one or to a charity, or to sell to someone else.

After showing my co-workers a hand-appliqued wall-hanging that I made, one of them asked me to make the same one for her. As you know, hand applique is a long, time consuming process. It was always understood that she would pay me for the quilt, but when I finished it and told her how much I wanted for it, she gasped and said that she never expected the cost would be so high. The wall-hanging was about 3 feet by 4 feet and I didn't think asking $125 was that much considering my time and materials. I said that she didn't have to buy it and I understood that since she was a non-quilter that she would not have any idea how much goes into a project like that.

She did buy it, but I learned a valuable lesson: to always negotiate a price before I start a project. What seems like a simple project for non-quilters, is of course anything but simple.

Perhaps if your niece's mom knew in advance what the project would cost, she would have a choice as to whether she really wanted a quilt. On the other hand, if you are making it for your niece to give it to her mother as a gift, then it would just be a labor of love for someone you care about regardless of whom she was giving it to.

Just another way of re-framing the situation so that it sits better in your mind.

I realize you are in a tough spot, because you love your niece, but the SIL is not one of your favorite people. I might be tempted to send her the quilt, since it's already finished, however, I think I would not send it to a long arm quilter, save the money and do some very minimal quilting, cross-hatching, SID, whatever. However, if your SIL feels compelled to pay you for it, take the money and run; but if she asks you to make another quilt, tell her you have a big list of quilts to be made for paying customers and if she wants to pay you, you might consider it. You're not going to hurt her feelings since she has made it clear she obviously doesn't like you for whatever reason, you comb your hair the wrong way, wear ugly shoes, it doesn't matter. My DH's sister hasn't spoken to him in over 25 years, so there is no love lost there. You know what they say, you can choose your friends, but not your family. If you do send it, we know you'll be doing it for your niece and not your SIL.

I have told more than one person on phone who wanted money for this and that or to sell something (once it was cemetery plots) WHEN they WILL NOT take no for an answer what part of NO don't you understand. Of course I would do it differently if it was friend or family wanting something, and would do it if I could, but not hesitate to say no it I couldn't afford it. But women have be taught to do for others so it is hard.