Sad, but .........
09-13-2011, 07:19 PM
#41
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: NE of Joplin MO
Posts: 78
This is a tough one...if u know them really well then you will know what to do...I lost a little girl when I was 6 minutes pregnant...I look at little girls her age and wonder what she would be like...my family doesn't count that baby and it hurts...maybe make 2 one for baby that passed...there r times I would have loved to hold something and grieve my daughter.
09-13-2011, 08:10 PM
#42
Power Poster
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 14,723
Originally Posted by Phannie1
Would think the remembance of the loss would be wanted. They lost a child. they loved that child. I will pray that all else goes well.
09-13-2011, 08:16 PM
#43
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 185
I'm so sorry.
Although I've never lost a child after birth, only before, I wouldn't give anything related to the loss unless I was really tight with the person.
If the gift was for me, I would want to be informed ahead of time and asked if it was okay. Seriously, I might punch someone otherwise. I went through an agitated period.
Good for you for wondering about it.
Although I've never lost a child after birth, only before, I wouldn't give anything related to the loss unless I was really tight with the person.
If the gift was for me, I would want to be informed ahead of time and asked if it was okay. Seriously, I might punch someone otherwise. I went through an agitated period.
Good for you for wondering about it.
09-13-2011, 08:40 PM
#44
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: NE of Joplin MO
Posts: 78
6 months not minutes.....spell check can be bittersweet!
Originally Posted by chelgvns
This is a tough one...if u know them really well then you will know what to do...I lost a little girl when I was 6 minutes pregnant...I look at little girls her age and wonder what she would be like...my family doesn't count that baby and it hurts...maybe make 2 one for baby that passed...there r times I would have loved to hold something and grieve my daughter.
09-13-2011, 09:29 PM
#45
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: NW Montana
Posts: 1,275
Originally Posted by jmabby
I had two nephews, twins, born early, one died yesterday. I had started to make a wall hanging of Noah's ark with "They come two by two". Would you still give it or would you just make another wall hanging not mentioning the little boy that died??
I definitely would give her opportunity to talk about the baby they lost - it is healthy to be allowed to grieve even though there is also a cause for celebration in the son who survived. She has had twins, loves them both and will never forget the little one lost. Too many people want to pretend the baby missing never existed.
(Speaking not as a Mom who suffered that terrible tragedy, but as an OB Nurse having cared for & loved far too many grieving families.)
09-13-2011, 10:45 PM
#47
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Orangevale, California
Posts: 540
Originally Posted by AFQSinc
I would still make it. I have a friend that lost one of her twins (they were born at 27 weeks) and she said that the thing that hurt the most was that people didn't acknowledge the baby that died. She believed that they were doing it because they didn't want to cause her additional pain or upset. The fact of the matter is that the other baby did exist and is loved as much as the one that survived.
09-13-2011, 10:58 PM
#48
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 606
Just give it time. She will probably, someday tell the surviving child about the twin who went to heaven. Your quilt will be treasured by the child here on earth when he learns what the quilt meant.
This may take quite a while though.
This may take quite a while though.
09-14-2011, 01:28 AM
#49
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: at my sewing machine
Posts: 1,916
i have lost 2 babies and while its a nice gesture i would never want the wall hanging.
if you approached me about it i would find it very difficult to say no - because it just seems so ungrateful to reject a gift.
i personally would prefer that you give it to the hospital were my baby died for another family to take home with them and their newborn.
that would mean the world to me.
i make receiving blankets every year and donate them to the hospital were my babies died to honor their short life.
many of my friends have done the same as their way of acknowledging my loss.
if you approached me about it i would find it very difficult to say no - because it just seems so ungrateful to reject a gift.
i personally would prefer that you give it to the hospital were my baby died for another family to take home with them and their newborn.
that would mean the world to me.
i make receiving blankets every year and donate them to the hospital were my babies died to honor their short life.
many of my friends have done the same as their way of acknowledging my loss.
09-14-2011, 01:43 AM
#50
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,087
Everyone grieves and remembers differently. Maybe you could make it, and make another gift for the one who has stayed here with us. She can choose how she uses them. I have no visible reminders in our home of the daughter we lost at birth but a photo of me pregnant with her.
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