Want husband to butt out
#32
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,250
I understand, men seem to know everything. LOL Maybe you can divert his attention to a minor part of the room.
Like send him to Lowes to check out flourescent lights. Let him work on installing the lights, while you move your quilting stuff in. Delay any other of his ideas until "later". You gotta love em, I'm sure he is only trying to help. :0)
Like send him to Lowes to check out flourescent lights. Let him work on installing the lights, while you move your quilting stuff in. Delay any other of his ideas until "later". You gotta love em, I'm sure he is only trying to help. :0)
#34
Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 253
Yep, mine does that ALL the time with everything. At dinner time he'll set out what he wants me to make. I finally got fed up a few months ago and told him to cook what he wants. If he wants me to cook stay out of the kitchen. At one time I even told him to "Butt out of my business" and when the time comes that I don't contribute financially to the household then he can have total control. Caused a big argument but he's backed off when it comes to making dinner. When I talk to others on the phone he can hear every word I say even from another room and asks me what that was all about. I told him if they wanted him to know they would have called and asked to talk to him, not me. But yet sitting right next to him he can't hear a word I say. I've had several friends say he's one of the most controlling men they've ever met. Most of the time I just don't pay attention to him and do what I want. This March we'll be celebrating our 48th anniversary so I must do a good job of ignoring him.
#36
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Here not there
Posts: 1,449
Mine sometimes "has a better idea", but never talks to me about it. I found the plans for a PVC hand quilting frame and asked him to make it. He used WAY too big PVC "to make it better". It was totally unusable and is now in his shop taken apart. I showed him a quilt rack that I wanted that he could make, it was about 25-20 inches across, mine came out 36 inches across because it was better. That meant "I didn't want to cut the dowels". Don't know what to tell you, but good luck.
#37
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 3,918
Ok, nobody may like this but i am going to say it anyway, i don't believe in stroking any man's ego, i tell mine, do it my way or get out of my way, when he see's i can do it myself, he gets even madder and i laugh. Problem solved!!! Yes, i can hang drywall and outlets, sand and tape, paint put in cabinets, i am very handy and he doesn't like it. If its going to be my womencave, i want it my way. So, good luck, but get it your way.
#38
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Mendocino Coast, CA
Posts: 5,007
Oh my...I had to laugh when I read the title to this post! My husband spends most of his time trying to destroy anything, any space, any plans that I ever make about anything. It seems that it's his life ambition. Yesterday, I watched him destroy the potting/tool shed that I had been building over the last few months at our new home. I'd been trying to develop a garden shed for over 30 years at our old home and he always got in there and killed the plan before it ever got too far along. No garden shed for me! It's not that he's a bad person, or that we fight all the time, he's just in a constant, "seek and destroy mission," by nature. I think that a lot of men are that way. I totally feel for you.
My suggestion is that you tell him very frankly, VERY PLAINLY, that you want him OUT of your space NOW! If you say it nicely, he'll say that he didn't understand you, so be firm. He may be miffed a bit and he probably won't help you finish it, but he just might get the idea...at least for a week, or two. Then, if he's like my DH, he'll be back, finding a new way into your space. Lock the door.
~ C.
My suggestion is that you tell him very frankly, VERY PLAINLY, that you want him OUT of your space NOW! If you say it nicely, he'll say that he didn't understand you, so be firm. He may be miffed a bit and he probably won't help you finish it, but he just might get the idea...at least for a week, or two. Then, if he's like my DH, he'll be back, finding a new way into your space. Lock the door.
~ C.
#39
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Mendocino Coast, CA
Posts: 5,007
Ok, nobody may like this but i am going to say it anyway, i don't believe in stroking any man's ego, i tell mine, do it my way or get out of my way, when he see's i can do it myself, he gets even madder and i laugh. Problem solved!!! Yes, i can hang drywall and outlets, sand and tape, paint put in cabinets, i am very handy and he doesn't like it. If its going to be my womencave, i want it my way. So, good luck, but get it your way.
~ C.
#40
I'm sorry you're feeling like this, but I do understand it. I have a husband who was raised by a mother who is "always right" and he gets more like her with every passing year. Of course, I'm very stubborn and won't back down. The only thing that usually works to get him to consider my way, is to give him the silent treatment for a bit. He sits and stews about it when I just close my mouth and go to another room of the house and let him sit there. An hour or two later he usually comes in and says that I really had a great idea or explains to me why my idea won't work. Through this we end up coming up with a mutually agreeable and workable plan. When we're doing the work together, when I say "STOP", something's not right, he's learned to step back and let me explain why I think measurements are off or we're doing something incorrectly because many times I'm right. I'm a rather new quilter and I really think my quilting is paying huge dividends in teaching me to measure correctly, angles, etc. Good luck with your project and I hope you enjoy your new space when it's done.
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05-31-2010 04:00 PM