Want husband to butt out
#51
Super Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida - formerly Montana
Posts: 3,504
There are a lot of opinions on this subject. But opinions are like belly-buttons. Everyone has one. So after all is said and done, you'll have to do what works best for you. You know your DH better than anyone. And I bet this isn't the first time you had to convince him that your way was better than his. Good luck and post pictures when you are finished. Hugs and good luck coming your way.
#52
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 673
i agree with reminding him that this is your space, not his. the rhythm of sewing and design is a far cry from the wood shop or the garage. if things do get out of control, you could offer to go and "fix" his mancave to your liking, so it would work better for "you". mostly--just keep at it. his ideas may make sense if you guys can talk them through. my hubster is retired, too, and until his parkinson's slowed him down, he "fixed" everything in the place until i threatened to make him go live in his little motorhome. he has now recruited a young friend to be his hands, and the one thing i have emphasized is to let me know what you are doing, and where you are doing it. otherwise, i will get the broom, and ride it as only i can! communication is still foremost. that, and "don't cost me another cupboard or storage space for your "improvement"!!!"
#54
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bay Area near San Francisco
Posts: 1,213
My DH granted me the master bedroom to turn into a sewing studio, but now that we're actually making design plans, he wants to do everything his way! He tends to ignore my wishes and expertise (I've been sewing for 50 years, and have a degree in Home Ec.) I know he means well and is trying to help, but this is MY dream room, not HIS. Has anybody had a problem like this? How do I get the room I want? This is majorly important. Help!
#55
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 44
I could not pass up posting to this thread. LOL. Being a man and one who quilts along with being a woodworker, I know what works....for me that is. My wife has her OWN sewing room and I have my OWN sewing room. I would never dare tell her how to organize her room and she doesn't tell me how to do mine...although she has put her TV and recliner in my room to watch at night.
I have an 8' quilting frame that I didn't have room for in my sewing room so I've set it up in our living room. We have a huge living room and few visitors so no problem. She wasn't overly excited about the frame being there but I told her it was cheaper than building a new room and if we had anybody important(yea right) come over I would move it.
David
I have an 8' quilting frame that I didn't have room for in my sewing room so I've set it up in our living room. We have a huge living room and few visitors so no problem. She wasn't overly excited about the frame being there but I told her it was cheaper than building a new room and if we had anybody important(yea right) come over I would move it.
David
#56
i haven't finished reading all the responses but yours here hit the jack-pot for me. my guy, too, likes to take over my project/ideas. macho ego for sure. and gets nose totally out of joint when i insist on my way. takes a while but he does get over it. and in fact, has a couple of times admitted that my way was the better way. not often...but often enough that i persist in my refusal of his way if mine is better suited to purpose at hand. ...hmmm..hope he doesn't figure out this angle and stop agreeing with my way!!!
#57
Just curious, is he an architect? My husband is and whenever I have an idea........well you guessed it. He has a better one, that is really the opposite of what I want. Been married 15 years, no upgrades or improvements to our home because we can't agree on anything. I still love him........
#58
My husband would not design my sewing room any more then I would think of trying to design his work space in the garage. Too bad about this... this should be a very exciting time for you and now it's just marinaded in stress.
#59
Just reading this post makes me appreciate my husband all the more. That is not meant to sound sarcastic in any way. It is meant to : "I hear you Sister, and I've walked in your shoes." My husband can be terribly difficult when it comes to doing things. Everything has to be done his way, or no way. And finally he backs me into a corner enough that I really have to assert myself --- this is when all attempts at diplomacy have failed, of course. And I just say: "Listen, this is the way it's going to be done, period, full stop, because I want it that way, and let's hear your first objection as to why it can't be done that way. Mind you, I said why it can't, be done that way, and not why you don't want it done that way. There is a big difference. So let's here the first objective reason about why it would be absolutely impossible, under any circumstances, to do it my way." That usually leads to sputtering, a day or two of silence, and I get things done my way, because he can't come up with a reason as to why it's impossible to do it my way. I don't like doing this. I save it for when "all else fails". But it works for me.
Stick to your guns. You will be using that room, and will be unhappy in both the short and long term if it isn't the way you want and need it to be. In this way, you will "pay for it" a long, long time if you don't stick to your guns. So hang in there.
We're ALL supporting you!
Stick to your guns. You will be using that room, and will be unhappy in both the short and long term if it isn't the way you want and need it to be. In this way, you will "pay for it" a long, long time if you don't stick to your guns. So hang in there.
We're ALL supporting you!
#60
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lowell, MA
Posts: 14,083
If you can win that battle, please, please, tell me what you did. I've been battling that problem for 43 years and unfortunately for me I frequently gave in, so now I'm paying the price big time. He's disabled with severe vertigo so it's not a physical disability per se, however, I've been unable to find work since 2 days after he became disabled, so we have been together 24/7 ever since. We had to leave our home of 33 years because of medical bills and move to a small apt. and it's difficult to be together in such a small space. The only thing he doesnt tell me how or what to do is cooking, darn it. Keep the faith.
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