We put ourselves down
#21
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,832
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When someone shows a finished quilt, there's no going back to correction for most people. I'd like to enjoy the quilt for what it is, not be distracted by "there's a mistake here, there". Those comments diminish the enjoyment of the accomplishment. It they want crtique, ask for it-privately.
In the grand scheme of things, mem are rarely abused, and usually don't point out their mistakes. Concentrating on the failures (not successes) can lead to a poor self image. Do your best and know noone is perfect.
In the grand scheme of things, mem are rarely abused, and usually don't point out their mistakes. Concentrating on the failures (not successes) can lead to a poor self image. Do your best and know noone is perfect.
#22
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When I first started quilting a friend and I made identical samplers. My points on my Ohio Star were all cut off. I never even noticed it as I was very new to quilting. Well my friend's son who was about 8 noticed it. She was so embarrassed but I just laughed. Leave it to kids!!! She scolded him and I told her to stop it because he was right!!!
However, he was a child. An adult doing that is just not nice!!
However, he was a child. An adult doing that is just not nice!!
#23
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Grass Lake, MI and Bradenton, FL
Posts: 785
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I must confess that sometimes when I see a picture of a beautiful quilt I will zoom in on it looking for imperfections. I almost always find some. That makes me happy because I realize a quilt does not have to be perfect to be beautiful and maybe I'm not so bad at it after all! I do try hard for perfection but no longer despair if it's not perfect!
#24
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 48
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I am going to give a different perspective here. I judge 4-H in many different categories and I see primarily girls pointing out mistakes all of the time. Many times it is the first thing they say to me and it is a self esteem issue. We learn to point out our mistakes because we do not have confidence in ourselves, we tell ourselves we are not good enough and then it becomes an ingrained habit. In the critique it is something I talk about to the 4-Her. I point out what they are doing and encourage them to not point out the mistakes unless the judge asks them about something. I also tell them that I believe in them and their project and I want them to believe in themselves and their project too. Be proud of what you are doing and every moment is a learning opportunity. I can also say from experience the projects that went horribly wrong are the ones where the greatest learning has taken place.
I too, have to work very hard at not pointing out my mistakes, whether it is quilting or other things and it is a tough habit to break.
I too, have to work very hard at not pointing out my mistakes, whether it is quilting or other things and it is a tough habit to break.
#25
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Hartford, Mo
Posts: 5,784
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I have always been told that quilters make 'mistakes' to humble their quilts because nothing is perfect except God. So they make all their quilts 'humble'. Or maye their mistakes create a new pattern or a new look to the quilt pattern.
Most of mine are verrry humble, but I still enjoy them and so does the friends and family I 'gift' them to in the past. They are loved and used and I love that about my quilts. I am not perfect yet (at 75 years old) and not likely I will ever be perfect. Thank God neither is my dh, so our marriage has lasted almost 52 years and counting onward in life. Enjoy every day, find love and laughter to enrich your life. I enjoy quilting, never real serious about it and yes, I make mistakes. I will ask if I want help, otherwise just enjoy the fact the quilt is finished and rejoice that it is done.
Most of mine are verrry humble, but I still enjoy them and so does the friends and family I 'gift' them to in the past. They are loved and used and I love that about my quilts. I am not perfect yet (at 75 years old) and not likely I will ever be perfect. Thank God neither is my dh, so our marriage has lasted almost 52 years and counting onward in life. Enjoy every day, find love and laughter to enrich your life. I enjoy quilting, never real serious about it and yes, I make mistakes. I will ask if I want help, otherwise just enjoy the fact the quilt is finished and rejoice that it is done.
#26
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: ND
Posts: 2,817
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I am going to give a different perspective here. I judge 4-H in many different categories and I see primarily girls pointing out mistakes all of the time. Many times it is the first thing they say to me and it is a self esteem issue. We learn to point out our mistakes because we do not have confidence in ourselves, we tell ourselves we are not good enough and then it becomes an ingrained habit. In the critique it is something I talk about to the 4-Her. I point out what they are doing and encourage them to not point out the mistakes unless the judge asks them about something. I also tell them that I believe in them and their project and I want them to believe in themselves and their project too. Be proud of what you are doing and every moment is a learning opportunity. I can also say from experience the projects that went horribly wrong are the ones where the greatest learning has taken place.
I too, have to work very hard at not pointing out my mistakes, whether it is quilting or other things and it is a tough habit to break.
I too, have to work very hard at not pointing out my mistakes, whether it is quilting or other things and it is a tough habit to break.
#27
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 2,867
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I used to make dance and pageant costumes. If I pointed out an imperfection to a friend, she replied, ""It won't show on a trotting horse." Meaning a sequin that wouldn't lay perfectly in an underarm seam wouldn't show when in use. Let's apply that to our quilting. Most of our quilts are meant to be used and loved, not inspected.
Lately I have been wearing a elastic strung bracelet on my wrist. If I say anything negative about myself, I snap it. I think it has cut down on my perfectionistic nature. It was to be a rubber band, but when I tried that, I kept wanting to put it away.![Big Grin](https://cdn.quiltingboard.com/images/smilies/biggrin.png)
Several of these posts made me laugh out loud. Thank you.
Lately I have been wearing a elastic strung bracelet on my wrist. If I say anything negative about myself, I snap it. I think it has cut down on my perfectionistic nature. It was to be a rubber band, but when I tried that, I kept wanting to put it away.
![Big Grin](https://cdn.quiltingboard.com/images/smilies/biggrin.png)
Several of these posts made me laugh out loud. Thank you.
#28
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Willamette Valley, Oregon, USA
Posts: 7,695
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I try to be realistic about my quilts, and only if I pay attention to what I do and don't like about it, can I make improvments and changes for the next one.
I do the same thing with my baking - I want honest answers to "what do you think?" because I'm not asking to get a "feel good" answer, I want a real answer so I can make adjustments.
I feel that if someone asks for opinions, we should give honest ones. If someone just shows a picture to share and does not ask for opinions, then I'll keep them to myself.
I do the same thing with my baking - I want honest answers to "what do you think?" because I'm not asking to get a "feel good" answer, I want a real answer so I can make adjustments.
I feel that if someone asks for opinions, we should give honest ones. If someone just shows a picture to share and does not ask for opinions, then I'll keep them to myself.
#29
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: California
Posts: 441
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Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: Self doubt is the sign of a true artist. Perfect confidence is awarded to the less talented as a consolation prize.
Following that line of thought makes me feel like Picasso! lol
Following that line of thought makes me feel like Picasso! lol
#30
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 8,126
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My three thoughts on imperfections, be it in a quilt or in yourself:
A quilt is like a good life - lots of mistakes along the way, but in the end it looks pretty good.
Never say anything bad about yourself. That's other people's job, and they are more than happy to do it. You don't have to help them.
Done is better than perfect. Perfect never gets done.
A quilt is like a good life - lots of mistakes along the way, but in the end it looks pretty good.
Never say anything bad about yourself. That's other people's job, and they are more than happy to do it. You don't have to help them.
Done is better than perfect. Perfect never gets done.
Last edited by cathyvv; 01-25-2018 at 03:22 PM.
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