What to do?
02-24-2010, 07:45 AM
#11
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Home town: Rehoboth, MA Now living in OK
Posts: 7,774
Originally Posted by BellaBoo
So sorry for your loss. Tell you daughter it isn't about her. It's about you. Make the quilt and don't mention it again to her.
02-24-2010, 07:48 AM
#12
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ft. Myers, Florida
Posts: 928
I once made a memory quilt of a friend for his mother out of his jeans and tee shirts. I borrowed a stack of photos of him throughout his life and transferred them to photo fabric and placed them in the quilt. His mother looks at the quilt, and smiles. I think of my friend when I quilt because of the memory quilt.
02-24-2010, 09:00 AM
#13
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 607
My husband passed in 08 also. I have many of his shirts packed away with plans to make a quilt someday but not ready yet. Why not pack them away for awhile and then make the quilt. Please don't let her convince you to give them away, then you won't have that choice. We each seem to grieve in a different manner. My daughter refuses to even mention him yet he meant everything to her. She can't even talk about him yet.
02-24-2010, 09:30 AM
#14
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 3,877
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Here's a question I have. Is your DD opposed to a quilt made out of his clothing or a memory quilt? What I perceive as a memory quilt is something with his picture, etc. Maybe this is what she is visualizing and having a problem with. What if you just made a quilt from his clothes to comfort you with his love?
Here's a question I have. Is your DD opposed to a quilt made out of his clothing or a memory quilt? What I perceive as a memory quilt is something with his picture, etc. Maybe this is what she is visualizing and having a problem with. What if you just made a quilt from his clothes to comfort you with his love?
02-24-2010, 11:56 AM
#15
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Utah
Posts: 971
Originally Posted by Elaine Hewes
I want to make a memory quilt using my late husband's clothes, but my daughter doesn't want me to. She just to throw them away. I think she trying to forget about her father completely. I also need to know what is the best pattern to use in making the memory quilt. Thank you all in advance!
http://www.quiltingboard.com/t-28544-1.htm
02-24-2010, 12:08 PM
#16
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 399
I also wished I quilted when my father passed. Everything of his was sent to Goodwill. I would have loved to have a quilt done with his shirts (really a plaid kind of guy when not wearing his uniform). I really like the Smokey Mountain Stars quilt.
So I would go ahead and make the quilt. Is it not time to make yourself happy? I won't bother mentioning again. Just do it.
So I would go ahead and make the quilt. Is it not time to make yourself happy? I won't bother mentioning again. Just do it.
02-24-2010, 12:11 PM
#17
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Flemington, Missouri
Posts: 20
I really don't know what she opposed to the quilt or what, but maybe I will wait for a while. She doesn't talk about him or visit his grave since his funeral. I know everyone grieves differently. Thank everyone, you help alot.
02-24-2010, 12:22 PM
#18
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: currently central new jersey
Posts: 8,623
this is a very hard decision to make. when my df died, my mother wouldn't let anything that belonged to him go. it made her very depressed and unable to go on with life, but she felt she needed to look at his things all the time. we tried to convince her to keep some small things to remember and maybe donate the rest to a charity that he would have liked. she was in a depression for way too long, more than two years, but in the end she did as suggested. she still 'had' him, but she felt much better. no one expected her to forget him. but she, and you, have memories that are much more comforting. when she finall died she had been happy again for a long time even though she had a box of his personal small things in her dresser drawer to look at and remind her of their love.
your daughter had a different relationship to her father. you can't expect her reaction to be the same. she may be unable to deal with her father's death yet. the time will come when it comes. be patient. she doesn't have your memories of him, after all.
your daughter had a different relationship to her father. you can't expect her reaction to be the same. she may be unable to deal with her father's death yet. the time will come when it comes. be patient. she doesn't have your memories of him, after all.
02-24-2010, 12:40 PM
#19
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15,639
Grieving the loss of a loved one is a very personal matter and it appears that you and your DD are handling the process very differently. I do not think she has the right to tell you what you should do with your husband's belongings. If making a quilt keeps him close to you and gives you comfort, by all means - make a quilt.
(There is a company that makes teddy bears out of shirts as keepsakes with a lovely poem attached in the label.)
If your DD does not want to be present when you work on the quilt, that would be her choice. Once the quilt is made and she does not want to see it, you can keep it out of her sight.
I don't know how many clothes your DH had or how many you plan to use, but may be to make your DD feel better, you could presort - pull out what you plan to use and let her toss (or donate) the rest. Sounds like the best of both worlds - given the sadness of the situation.
(There is a company that makes teddy bears out of shirts as keepsakes with a lovely poem attached in the label.)
If your DD does not want to be present when you work on the quilt, that would be her choice. Once the quilt is made and she does not want to see it, you can keep it out of her sight.
I don't know how many clothes your DH had or how many you plan to use, but may be to make your DD feel better, you could presort - pull out what you plan to use and let her toss (or donate) the rest. Sounds like the best of both worlds - given the sadness of the situation.
02-24-2010, 12:45 PM
#20
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: currently central new jersey
Posts: 8,623
Originally Posted by butterflywing
this is a very hard decision to make. when my df died, my mother wouldn't let anything that belonged to him go. it made her very depressed and unable to go on with life, but she felt she needed to look at his things all the time. we tried to convince her to keep some small things to remember and maybe donate the rest to a charity that he would have liked. she was in a depression for way too long, more than two years, but in the end she did as suggested. she still 'had' him, but she felt much better. no one expected her to forget him. but she, and you, have memories that are much more comforting. when she finall died she had been happy again for a long time even though she had a box of his personal small things in her dresser drawer to look at and remind her of their love.
EDITED TO ADD: i'm sure that her father wouldn't have wanted her to feel this way. he would have wanted her to be at peace with what is.
your daughter had a different relationship to her father. you can't expect her reaction to be the same. she may be unable to deal with her father's death yet. the time will come when it comes. be patient. she doesn't have your memories of him, after all.
EDITED TO ADD: i'm sure that her father wouldn't have wanted her to feel this way. he would have wanted her to be at peace with what is.
your daughter had a different relationship to her father. you can't expect her reaction to be the same. she may be unable to deal with her father's death yet. the time will come when it comes. be patient. she doesn't have your memories of him, after all.
