what would you do if your daughter came home and said you ex is getting married and ?
11-27-2011, 12:29 AM
#71
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 572
I would help her. The world is changing and so is the relationships of Xs. When we were divorcing I wouldn't have but now we have grandchild from our two sons and I don't feel that anyone should be left out at Christmas. We have had my DH x wife for Christmas many times and last year my x came for Christmas.
What happened in our marriage is over and done with. Now it is about the kids and grandchildren. I know that my sons appreciate that we get along "most times".
Life is to short to hate someone for the rest of your life. So if I had a daughter that wanted to make something I would help her.
What happened in our marriage is over and done with. Now it is about the kids and grandchildren. I know that my sons appreciate that we get along "most times".
Life is to short to hate someone for the rest of your life. So if I had a daughter that wanted to make something I would help her.
11-27-2011, 03:54 AM
#72
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: South Australia
Posts: 151
Help her, He is your Daughter's Father, You loved him once! life is too short to hold grudges. Your Daughter could have asked for your help with out telling you who it was for, Be a bigger better person than he is.
11-27-2011, 03:56 AM
#73
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: W Ohio
Posts: 760
The first few years it would have been tough for me to help my son but I would have. I encouraged my son to have a good relationship with his dad. Now my DH & I are glad we did. My Ex pasted away when my son was 16. My son is not stupid he knows what It cost me to me nice to his dad and I know he loves me more for it.
Look at it as a time spent with daugther not a quilt for Ex.
11-27-2011, 03:58 AM
#74
Power Poster
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 15,368
If it were me, and my daughter had asked me, I would tell her to pick out a beginner pattern and I will help her any way I could. However, I would let her know that she would be the one who should make it so it would be from her. I would also let her know that I was sure they wouldn't want something made by me but would treasure what she had made for them.
Let me tell you a quick story. My ex was very abusive. He never helped with the children financially or physically after we divorced. When my daughter was 36 years old, she was scheduled for her 2nd cancer surgery. I wanted to be there with her (700 miles away). When she told me her Dad (she had developed a once in a while relationship with him about 3 years before) was going to be there, I told her I couldn't be there if he was there. I "HATED" him so much for what he had done to me. I asked my Bible study group to pray for me in this situation. I decided to go but finding the money would be difficult. The leader of my group gave her frequent flier miles and I went. Everything was absolutely wonderful and he even asked me to forgive him. He has since dropped out of the picture again and my daughter is now an 11 year survivor. Things always work out well in the long run.
Let me tell you a quick story. My ex was very abusive. He never helped with the children financially or physically after we divorced. When my daughter was 36 years old, she was scheduled for her 2nd cancer surgery. I wanted to be there with her (700 miles away). When she told me her Dad (she had developed a once in a while relationship with him about 3 years before) was going to be there, I told her I couldn't be there if he was there. I "HATED" him so much for what he had done to me. I asked my Bible study group to pray for me in this situation. I decided to go but finding the money would be difficult. The leader of my group gave her frequent flier miles and I went. Everything was absolutely wonderful and he even asked me to forgive him. He has since dropped out of the picture again and my daughter is now an 11 year survivor. Things always work out well in the long run.
Last edited by twinkie; 11-27-2011 at 04:06 AM.
11-27-2011, 04:10 AM
#76
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: dayton OH
Posts: 1,911
The best gift that my Mom ever gave me was allowing me to have my own relationship w/ my dad based on my own experiences, not clouded by her feelings towards this man that she divorced. This isn't about you making a quilt for your ex - it's about helping your daughter do something for HER dad. He may be your ex-husband, but he will always be HER dad. I encourage you to take the high road, teach your daughter how to make this quilt. If she is young, she doesn't understand all the grown-up stuff that goes on w/ divorce. Maybe the way you accomplish that is to sign her up for a class and you two work on the project.
11-27-2011, 04:17 AM
#77
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Northampton, PA
Posts: 97
I would say help her make it and build a bridge to showing your daughter forgiveness...the only things that bothers me, is what is the new wife going to think of the quilt YOU helped make ? I've done gorgeous quilts and for my nephews and then my SIL got angry with my family and threw the quilts away...something to think about...
11-27-2011, 05:07 AM
#80
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,537
I agree w/majority here. He is HER dad and always will be. Have her do the work and guide her thru the process. I would make sure she knows SHE will be making AND finishing it. Make a lap size if she has never made a quilt before. You have a better chance she will get it done. Oh...and if you have to rant about this project..rant with us. We understand!!!
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