What would you do?
#11
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: In the beautiful hills of northwest Connecticut.
Posts: 2,580
Since you've already made it, just send it on. Sending an unexpected bill with it is like getting slapped in the face. It's unfortunate you didn't have this conversation with her before you made the quilt, but what's done is done. She probably didn't know you'd be sending it to someone to quilt for you, either, so the only road is the high road. And you made it primarily at your niece's request.
#12
Is it better to be right, or Kind? Just be kind. Send it with positive blessings and move on. This is a no win situation. But, I would nip any future requests at the onset. It was nice of you to make another Quilt.
#13
I'd say, if you can afford it, just send it on with your good wishes. You already know you won't get paid if you send a bill, so why bother. It is only going to create hard feelings from a) the SIL and perhaps b) the niece with whom you have a loving relationship. I doubt you would want to jeopardize that relationship. Again, if you can afford it, chalk the expense up to just being one of the good guys and let it go.
If finances are particularly tight, you could always include a nice note saying that it would help your situation with a contribution to the cost of X dollars spent in completing the quilt vs an actual bill.
If finances are particularly tight, you could always include a nice note saying that it would help your situation with a contribution to the cost of X dollars spent in completing the quilt vs an actual bill.
#14
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,051
Sandy
#15
A similar situation happened to me and I found no enjoyment in making it, but I made it anyway. I was prepared the second time I ran into that situation and gave them the yardage and size of batting and backing and said they could pick out their own colors and batting and bring it to me. They did..........but at least it only cost me time and thread. It's amazing how people don't realize how much it costs till they have to buy the fabric. In the end was much appreciated by the recipient.
#16
Why didn't I think of this? I hope I have learned my lesson. Thank you everyone for your input. It is nice to read other people's perspectives on this.
A similar situation happened to me and I found no enjoyment in making it, but I made it anyway. I was prepared the second time I ran into that situation and gave them the yardage and size of batting and backing and said they could pick out their own colors and batting and bring it to me. They did..........but at least it only cost me time and thread. It's amazing how people don't realize how much it costs till they have to buy the fabric. In the end was much appreciated by the recipient.
#17
So sorry to hear that you have been put in-between a rock & a hard place. I'm amazed at the attitude that some people have when it comes to quilts. Assumption is a word I do not like!! Since you have already made the quilt (out of the goodness of your heart), I would just send it to her and be done with it. BUT if there is ever another asking, I certainly would bring up cost to that person. Materials & time aren't free. It's so much nicer to make a quilt for someone on your own decision; not on someone's assumption. You are a better person for doing what you did.
#18
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southern Indiana
Posts: 3,111
honestly I quilt, and I can't help myself. I always have 3 or 4 that I am working on. I would probably send it to her, but why not put a note with it - - not necessarily a bill
Just sweetly say since your niece asked you to make it how could you refuse her? The time and money put in the quilt - along with the love, makes this a priceless gift and that you hope she enjoys it. Its not a thing you would do for just anyone
Just sweetly say since your niece asked you to make it how could you refuse her? The time and money put in the quilt - along with the love, makes this a priceless gift and that you hope she enjoys it. Its not a thing you would do for just anyone
#19
Power Poster
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 11,276
The problem with just sending it on is that you have opened the gates for the next relative(s). Since you are on good terms with her daughter, I think I would see if she would like to pay for the quilting and postage then give the quilt to her mom for Christmas.
#20
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 3,255
Why oh why, my question, too, why can't we learn to just say no when we mean no? There was another thread on here recently, similar to this, although the quilt hadn't been made yet. Women especially, need to learn to say no. I say women only because I believe it is a cultural thing that we all pick up for some reason. Pleasers, peace-makers, etc. We can even learn to say no in a nice way, but not with excuses. Leaves an opening for those who will ask for anything and everything to keep asking. Anyway, off my soap box now Since you have not sent it to be quilted yet, I think you should fold it up and put it away for a while, let it rest. It seems to be making you feel more resentful as you go on with it and what is really the point of giving a gift that makes you feel like that. If you can't give it with no last minute strings attached, don't give it at all. You will be setting yourself up for more resentment. If you have a good relationship with your niece it should not be effected by this. If it is, the relationship wasn't what you thought it was anyway. You may feel incredibly free and lighter if you put this one away. Best wishes in what ever you decide.
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