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12-15-2016, 05:00 AM
#221
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: WNC
Posts: 9,144
It does sound passive aggressive but I'd still go with GramE's opinion. Do the thing that will give the least regret. I'd rather "regret" spending a few hours sitting in a hospital with someone I'm not fond of rather than "regret" not being there in the event I was truly needed. If you go, Bring your handwork and a set of headphones and music if it's available and work away without the need to converse constantly.
I try to make these kind of decisions by a "no regrets" thinking. Which will cause me regret? I don't have to live with the consequences of their decisions, but of mine. Someone is not using me if I'm choosing to do what I do. But there are people who have used up their "help me out" or be there for me status. But then again when I make the decision it's about what I'm choosing to do, not what they are requiring me to do. ( did that make any sense) I often do things that others might not, but then again sometimes what those around me think should be a priority just isn't. This is a hard one. How will it impact the one having surgery?
12-15-2016, 06:23 AM
#222
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,660
I call people like this karma cleaners. Hopefully you like the person you'll be sitting with.
I had a similar hospital situation once. My dad was very sick in the hospital. My sister wanted someone with him from 7a.m - 10p.m even when he was sleeping much of the time. When I showed up from across country, she had put me on her rotating schedule. I complied with her wishes even though I didn't agree, I thought mom needed my support more. The day my mom and I made the decision to not continue care for my dad I told my sister dad is sleeping, I'm going home with mom (86). She needs me more. It was clearly the right decision but it didn't make my sister happy. It didn't help that my parents had removed my sister from medical care and financial decisions and put me on instead. This was due to an illness she had but that didn't matter.
It was sad all around. My sister died unexpectedly a few years later. I maintained a good relationship with her even though she was a very difficult person, always made time to visit her when in NY and called her. One of my other sisters not so much. I'm always glad I did it but I lived 2500 miles from her so it wasn't as difficult as your situation.
I would go sit with her family member's close person as the action affects him not the family member who asked you. Keep the relationship with the family member cordial. Make it clear she got lucky you were free.
I had a similar hospital situation once. My dad was very sick in the hospital. My sister wanted someone with him from 7a.m - 10p.m even when he was sleeping much of the time. When I showed up from across country, she had put me on her rotating schedule. I complied with her wishes even though I didn't agree, I thought mom needed my support more. The day my mom and I made the decision to not continue care for my dad I told my sister dad is sleeping, I'm going home with mom (86). She needs me more. It was clearly the right decision but it didn't make my sister happy. It didn't help that my parents had removed my sister from medical care and financial decisions and put me on instead. This was due to an illness she had but that didn't matter.
It was sad all around. My sister died unexpectedly a few years later. I maintained a good relationship with her even though she was a very difficult person, always made time to visit her when in NY and called her. One of my other sisters not so much. I'm always glad I did it but I lived 2500 miles from her so it wasn't as difficult as your situation.
I would go sit with her family member's close person as the action affects him not the family member who asked you. Keep the relationship with the family member cordial. Make it clear she got lucky you were free.
12-15-2016, 06:28 AM
#223
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: WNC
Posts: 9,144
Back to kitchens...here's mine.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563793[/ATTACH]
This morning I've baked 12 dozen cookies, 3 pies, and made two pots of soup so please excuse the mess! Lol. Sorry, couldn't resist! Honestly though, this is my kitchen prior to a good scrubbing this morning. I accept the label "crazy". For me, it's much less about clean than it is about clutter. Trust me, this kitchen is much less clean than it looks but it is totally uncluttered. I panic in clutter. Mom's house had every surface covered and furniture everywhere. I got the willies just walking in there. It was overwhelming and apparently I've done an about face and gone Spartan.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563793[/ATTACH]
This morning I've baked 12 dozen cookies, 3 pies, and made two pots of soup so please excuse the mess! Lol. Sorry, couldn't resist! Honestly though, this is my kitchen prior to a good scrubbing this morning. I accept the label "crazy". For me, it's much less about clean than it is about clutter. Trust me, this kitchen is much less clean than it looks but it is totally uncluttered. I panic in clutter. Mom's house had every surface covered and furniture everywhere. I got the willies just walking in there. It was overwhelming and apparently I've done an about face and gone Spartan.
12-15-2016, 07:00 AM
#224
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mn
Posts: 6,557
First on the should I or shouldn't I, thank you for this conversation Kassandra. I think I mentioned b4 my dd's childhood friend is dying of cancer. Yesterday she was moved from in home hospice to a small hospice center here. Kelly can't get home to see her and I didn't think I had the courage to go see her. Love all the feed back and have decided I will go and see her this morning.
Janice beautiful kitchen, mine never looks like that. I think we grew up totally opposite, my Mom was please excuse the expression but a total clean freak and the house was sterile. I enjoy my "stuff". My kids are all like my Mom with two of them being absolute minimalists. Wonder if we are all opposite of our Mom's.
Janice beautiful kitchen, mine never looks like that. I think we grew up totally opposite, my Mom was please excuse the expression but a total clean freak and the house was sterile. I enjoy my "stuff". My kids are all like my Mom with two of them being absolute minimalists. Wonder if we are all opposite of our Mom's.
12-15-2016, 07:46 AM
#226
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 667
Kass
These are the things I try and live by
Kindness is everything
Always do the right thing
I have boundaries and offer no apologies or explanation for them
...Oh and yeah, patience, Give me Lots of patience
Bottom line, For me, in the end, Choose what you can live with
huggs
These are the things I try and live by
Kindness is everything
Always do the right thing
I have boundaries and offer no apologies or explanation for them
...Oh and yeah, patience, Give me Lots of patience
Bottom line, For me, in the end, Choose what you can live with
huggs
12-15-2016, 07:46 AM
#227
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Green Valley AZ
Posts: 2,574
First Is clean and freak redundant? hahahaha just kidding.
Janice your kitchen is beautiful after reading that post I was inspired to show mine and in the spirit of honesty I'll tell you I almost "put things away" and then decided nope if you were to knock on my door this is what you would see so here it is. My kitchen and dinning area (barely shown in the pictures) is pretty much the single largest area in my house between that and the christmas decorations hanging from my dining room light fixture It's not possible to show in 1 picture or all of it in 3 but you get the idea.
The lap top is where was was sitting reading and watching the sun rise, not really a sun rise as much as the changing light and the dawning of the day, when I saw Janice's kitchen.
I have ample space so I keep things on my counters, I prefer that to opening drawers to get things all the time.
What you would see from my entry way
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563796[/ATTACH]
From My dining area looking to where I was standing for the first picture
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563797[/ATTACH]
From the dining area still showing the island and bar area.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563798[/ATTACH]
Janice your kitchen is beautiful after reading that post I was inspired to show mine and in the spirit of honesty I'll tell you I almost "put things away" and then decided nope if you were to knock on my door this is what you would see so here it is. My kitchen and dinning area (barely shown in the pictures) is pretty much the single largest area in my house between that and the christmas decorations hanging from my dining room light fixture It's not possible to show in 1 picture or all of it in 3 but you get the idea.
The lap top is where was was sitting reading and watching the sun rise, not really a sun rise as much as the changing light and the dawning of the day, when I saw Janice's kitchen.
I have ample space so I keep things on my counters, I prefer that to opening drawers to get things all the time.
What you would see from my entry way
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563796[/ATTACH]
From My dining area looking to where I was standing for the first picture
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563797[/ATTACH]
From the dining area still showing the island and bar area.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]563798[/ATTACH]
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